


Spirk - Yours

by uss_spirk



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Cuddling, Cute, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Sex, No Smut, SO MUCH FLUFF, Space Husbands, Sweet, bond, god these two are so adorable omfg, i love you all stay safe, if you're looking for sex then you can just move right along, please enjoy my love letter to TOS, pure fluff, sO many tos quotes, soft, spirk, spirk is life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 28,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23880397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uss_spirk/pseuds/uss_spirk
Summary: Kirk and Spock both begin to have feelings for each other. They go to Bones for help, but realize that some things you can't learn from others; you have to experience them yourself.
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Spock, James T. Kirk & Spock Prime, Spirk - Relationship
Comments: 14
Kudos: 83





	1. Chapter 1

[Star Trek TOS Intro (just for fun)](https://youtu.be/x8X5WIDoVis)

"Spock to the bridge, Spock to the bridge," came the voice of Uhura.

"I am on my way Lieutenant," Spock answered after crossing the corridor to the intercom on the wall.

He entered the turbolift and stepped out onto the bridge. He then took his station so he could scan a ship discovered in the area. It didn't pose a threat to the Enterprise, so there was no need to remain on alert. However, Spock found that he would rather stay on the bridge than return to his quarters.

He found himself having these illogical thoughts often, especially on the bridge. It had been happening for months, despite his best efforts to repress them. He was at a loss to explain these thoughts, but they seemed to have something to do with Captain—

"Spock! Spock are you there?" Kirk repeated.

"Yes, Captain, I apologize," Spock responded, realizing he hadn't been paying attention. That was odd.

As soon as his shift was over, he hurried to his quarters. He lay on his bed, thinking. There must be some reason for these sudden, emotional sensations. He seemed to associate them most often with the Captain. _There must be a logical explanation_ , he thought, before he finally fell asleep.

\-------------------------------------------------------

The next day, when Spock took his station on the bridge, he felt that odd sensation again. Just the sight of the Captain triggered a rush of blood to his face. He also had a shy, nervous feeling, which Spock found quite irritating. He tried to push these thoughts from his mind and focus on the task at hand, but it was becoming increasingly difficult as Kirk kept smiling at him. The Captain's illogical behavior was making Spock uncomfortable, and he was glad when he was finally allowed to escape back to his quarters.

This happened again and again for several more days until Spock could not take it any longer. Nervousness, embarrassment, confusion. These were all emotions he realized he had been experiencing in the past week. They usually left him feeling flustered and unsure. Spock had spent most of his life purging all emotion, so these feelings had begun to concern him. Spock hadn't had trouble keeping control of his emotions in a long time. He could not comprehend the reason that these strange feelings were now affecting him so much. What was happening to him??

Suddenly, Spock stood up from his bed, exited his room, and started down the corridor toward sickbay. As much as he hated to admit it, Spock knew he needed advice. If he was to stop whatever was happening to him, he would need to talk to someone he trusted. He couldn't talk to Kirk, so he settled for McCoy. Sure, they spent most of their conversations taunting and teasing. But deep down, they both liked and respected one another, and Spock knew that they were good friends.

McCoy glanced up from his computer screen as the slight hiss of the door announced Spock's arrival. McCoy looked questioningly at the Vulcan.

"Well Spock, what can I do for you?" he asked, a little surprised at the unexpected visit.

"I need to speak with you, Doctor; I would like some advice," Spock answered.

"Me? Give advice to you?" McCoy asked incredulously, a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth.

"Yes, Doctor," Spock replied, a tad annoyed.   
"There is something that I need to discuss with you," he said as he glanced at the other nurses in sickbay. "It is of a personal nature."

McCoy continued to look skeptical, but nodded his assent.

"Alright, Spock, in here," he said as he gestured the Vulcan to a small room off to one side. The door slid shut behind them as McCoy sat down at the desk within. He waved Spock toward the opposite chair.

"So, what's been bothering you?" the Doctor asked in a business-like manner.

"It has come to my attention that for the past several weeks I have been experiencing strange...... sensations. They interfere with my ability to concentrate. I do not know the cause of them."

McCoy raised an eyebrow, something he'd learned from Spock over the years.

"When do you usually have these 'sensations?'" the Doctor asked.

"They seem to be constant, but are especially prominent when I am on the bridge."

McCoy asked Spock a few questions concerning symptoms and possible diagnoses. He sat back for a moment, confused. This didn't sound like any kind of medical issue he'd ever heard of. If Spock were anyone else on the ship, McCoy would have attributed his feelings to a case of perfectly normal human attraction. Unless...

"Spock," McCoy paused, trying to be strategic in his approach.

"Yes, Doctor?" Spock prompted him after a moment.

McCoy looked up. "Spock, do you think you might be developing........ feelings? For someone... on the ship?" he asked hesitantly.

Spock felt the blood rush to his face.

"May I remind you, Doctor, that as a Vulcan, I am not capable of that emotion. There must be some other logical explanation for this."

 _I've poked the skin right in the vein_ , McCoy thought. He could tell that this was really bothering Spock and he wanted to help him with it. So, he tried to be as careful and placatory as he could with his response.

"Spock, I know you think you can't have those emotions because of your Vulcan genes, but you're half human too. Your symptoms don't indicate any kind of medical condition that I can—"

"Thank you, Doctor, for your time." Spock abruptly stood up and left the room, leaving McCoy sitting alone at the desk.

He sighed, knowing he had said the wrong thing, and quite possibly alienated Spock. He wasn't sure how he should've dealt with the situation, but he did have a pretty good idea of who Spock seemed to be developing feelings for.


	2. Chapter 2

Spock hurried back to his own quarters, then laid down on his bed to meditate. He had gone to sickbay for help and reassurance, but had received neither from McCoy. He had pretty much just confirmed Spock's fear: he was developing feelings for the Captain. He had started to like him in a not-so-platonic-way, and he was completely at a loss of what to think. Spock was quite irritated with himself for not being able to control these emotions, and for the disappointment and shame he knew he would receive from his father if he ever found out. Spock was also a little afraid of what his feelings meant and what they might eventually do to him.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Kirk was thinking along much the same lines as Spock. Back in his quarters for the night, he now had time to ponder his recent behaviors. He realized that today on the bridge he had been paying extra attention to his first officer. He realized that something was happening to him, and it had to do with Spock. He reflected that he had been feeling differently toward the Vulcan for the past couple of weeks. Then, Kirk suddenly realized: he had feelings for Spock.

Alone in his quarters, Kirk raised his eyebrows at himself in surprise. He had liked women in the past, but it never felt like this. He had never experienced affection this deep before, as if something was putting down roots within him, growing and strengthening with each new day. Then he thought, _how would Spock react if he knew??_

 _He'd probably tell me I was being illogical_ , Kirk thought fondly, smiling to himself. Hours later, he finally managed to fall asleep, a smirk still visible on his face.

 _\---------------------------------------------_ \----------

The next day, Kirk and Spock both rose slowly, tired from the lack of sleep. When Spock arrived to the bridge, he was greeted by Kirk smiling pleasantly.

"Morning, Mr. Spock," he said in a formal—but warm—voice.

Spock's insides did a little flip ( _fascinating,_ he thought) and Spock found he could not stop his lips from stretching slightly in a grin. He nodded in response to the Captain's words. When he turned to his station, he realized what he was doing and quickly composed his features. He focused on being calm and in control, to hide his emotions at all costs.

Kirk raised an eyebrow (something he'd also learned from Spock). Then, he suddenly felt nervous, like he was being too obvious about his feelings. He cleared his throat and mentally shook himself. _Focus,_ he thought.

"Ahead warp factor 2, Mr. Sulu," he said confidently, trying to drive all thoughts of Spock from his mind.

As the day wore on, both men found it increasingly harder to concentrate. Spock found himself loosing his train of thought every time he even looked at the Captain. Kirk was using all of his willpower to avoid Spock's gaze. He constantly felt like he was being watched by Spock (which he was), and it was making him increasingly uncomfortable. Finally, he could take it no longer.

Kirk quickly stood up and moved toward the turbo lift.

"Spock, you have the bridge."

Since there were no pressing issues for him to attend to right now, he was allowed to leave the bridge if he chose. He hoped that his second in command wouldn't inquire as to the nature of his sudden departure, but unfortunately, today, luck was not on Jim Kirk's side.

"May I ask where you are going, Captain?" he said. Normally, Spock wouldn't have cared if Kirk was leaving the bridge. But today, neither of them were behaving as they normally would.

"There's a... pressing matter I must attend to in sickbay," Kirk answered, making up the excuse on the spot.

Spock raised an eyebrow, but made no further comment.

Quickly, Kirk turned and entered the turbolift.

"Sickbay," he muttered, for at least part of his story was true.

When the turbolift opened, he walked quickly down the hall to the door. He paused outside for a second, then took a deep breath and stepped inside.

McCoy was seated in his chair at one of the desks in sickbay, examining an old medical log. He looked up as he heard the door open.

"Captain, what brings you to sickbay?" McCoy asked, smiling at the arrival of his friend.

"I... have to talk to you about something Bones," Jim explained, wringing his hands nervously. Since sickbay was—at the moment—empty, they did not have to move to a private room to talk.

"Alright, Jim, I'm listening," McCoy answered.

"Bones, I don't know what's been happening to me lately. I've been having these strange... feelings," he began, slightly exasperated.

McCoy raised an eyebrow and gestured for Kirk to continue.

"They happen all the time and I just... I just don't know what to do," he finished, slumping into the chair opposite the Doctor.

McCoy—who knew Jim Kirk well—was not a stranger to this situation. Kirk, after all, was never one to oppose the companionship of an attractive partner.

"Is this about someone on the ship?" McCoy asked knowingly, a sly smirk on his face.

Jim turned and smiled at McCoy, admitting defeat.

"Nothing gets past you, does it, Bones?

"I'm a doctor; it's my job to know about my patients," McCoy agreed. "But in all seriousness, Jim, if you like someone, all you gotta do is talk to 'em. Just tell 'em how you feel."

"I don't think that's going to work, not this time," Kirk said with a sigh. He had no idea how to proceed, seeing as Spock was so different to anyone he'd ever been attracted to. In the past, they had never been anything more than friends, and Kirk couldn't even think of a way to begin. Even if he wanted to, a relationship with his first officer would be highly frowned upon, and he doubted that Spock even felt the same way.

McCoy paused for a moment, waiting for Jim to elaborate, maybe tell him who this mystery person was. But he didn't, and that's when McCoy realized that this time was different. McCoy knew that Kirk never felt shy or nervous about his emotions, and they almost never tortured him like they were now. Then McCoy wondered, _who must this person be to make Jim look so...._ shaken?

Suddenly, McCoy became very unsure of how to proceed, what to say. He never had been good in these kinds of situations, and had no idea what he should do. _This seems to be happening a lot lately,_ he thought to himself, thinking of his last encounter with Spock. _Hey... wait a minute—_

"I know that I'm the Captain and I have my duty to the Enterprise, but I just can't help it Bones, I can't help it!" Kirk began, his frustration growing by the minute.

"Just... just tell me what to... I don't know what I should—"

"Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a relationship expert!" McCoy said suddenly, frustrated. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you," he added after a moment, his tone softer than before. "I just don't know what to tell you, Jim. If it's really bothering you, you should just talk to this person. It's usually better than trying to avoid your feelings. That's all the advice I can give you."

"It's alright, Bones, and thank you," Kirk said, a friendly smile appearing on his face.

"Now, you'd better get back to the bridge, we wouldn't want Spock worrying about you," McCoy said casually. The comment was deliberate, and McCoy was not disappointed.

Kirk smiled warmly, then, with a slightly distant look on his face, he nodded and left sickbay.

Now alone, McCoy raised an eyebrow, suspicions confirmed. He only wondered where this was all going to end, and if any good would come out of it.


	3. Chapter 3

"Captain, an unidentified vessel has appeared on long range sensors," Sulu announced.

"On screen, Mr. Sulu," Kirk replied.

It was the next day, and Kirk had been thinking a lot since his talk with McCoy. He had considered actually taking his advice and talking to Spock, but decided against it. Instead, he was going to wait a few days and see how he felt about it then. So he sat there, on the bridge, trying (unsuccessfully) to forget that Spock was there.

"It appears to be a small, unarmed ship bearing 72 mark 30. No life signs aboard," Spock gave his analysis of the approaching ship.

"Good. Lieutenant Uhura, open—"

Suddenly, the whole ship was thrown violently forward. Spock—who had moved to stand next to Kirk—found himself grabbing the Captain's chair in a vain attempt to remain upright.

Coincidentally, Kirk's hand landed right on top of his. They both looked up, and for a second their eyes met. Stunned, they froze. Spock felt himself blushing, the blood rising to his cheeks. _Fascinating_ , he thought, for this was not the first time he had experienced the feeling. Then, he suddenly realized that we was actually _blushing._ He quickly tried (and failed) to neutralize his facial expression. Meanwhile, Kirk was trying to break his gaze away, but the task was a lot more difficult than he thought. Thankfully, Sulu was the one who finally jerked him out of his reverie.

"Captain, they seem to have caught us in some sort of tractor beam!" he shouted over the noise.

Then the turbulence died away as quickly as it had begun.

Everyone finally regained their footing and hurried to their stations.

"Damage report," Kirk said briskly, having regained his composure once more.

"Minor damage to decks 3 and 4, engines at full stop," Sulu answered.

"We are being held in a tractor beam of unknown composition," Spock said from across the bridge, studying the screen in front of him in an attempt to forget the incident he'd just shared with Kirk.

At the sound of his voice, the Captain turned to look at Spock. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped.

"Spock, are you alright? You look a little.... green," he said in a concerned tone.

Kirk's question—of course—only served to make Spock blush even more.

"I'm fine, Captain," he answered shortly, quite annoyed with himself and a little puzzled as to why Kirk seemed to be paying more attention to his first officer than the potential threat of the unidentified ship.

"I don't know, Spock, I think you'd better stop by sickbay, just in case."

Spock paused and was about to argue, but decided that there were more pressing matters demanding the Captain's attention right now. He simply nodded and left the bridge.

Then, Kirk turned his attention back to the problem at hand, and his now very confused crew.

"Mr. Sulu, what is the status of that ship?" he asked, business-like once again.

"It's holding position at 10,000 kilometers, dead ahead," Sulu replied.

Kirk paused for a moment, then turned in his chair. "Scotty, can you get us out of here?"

"I'm trying, Captain, but the engines aren't responding," he said, pushing different buttons on the console in front of him. "The tractor beam's too strong."

"Warp drive?" Kirk inquired hopefully.

"Offline, and the dilithium crystals are draining." Scotty turned to face the Captain.   
"We're locked up tight."

"Alright, Scotty—everyone, meet me in the briefing room in ten minutes," he decided, then headed toward the turbolift himself.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Spock was on his way to sickbay. When he got there, he paused awkwardly in the doorway, realizing he had no idea what he was supposed to be doing there. He stood for a second to regain his composure. Then he remembered that he had pretty much been ordered here by the Captain, so he didn't really have a choice.

McCoy saw him as he entered and raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Spock, shouldn't you be on the bridge?" he asked, wondering if the Vulcan's sickbay drop-ins were going to become a regular occurrence around here.

"I was sent by the Captain. Apparently, he thought I looked... unwell," Spock reluctantly replied.

"Well then, we'd better take a look," McCoy decided, never one to miss an opportunity to tease Spock. He gestured to one of the biobeds, and, after raising an eyebrow, Spock complied.

"I can assure you, Doctor, there is nothing wrong with my physical condition," he stated after lying down.

"Mmm-hmmm," McCoy muttered as he fiddled with some equipment.

Over the course of the next half hour or so, McCoy performed a routine medical examination on Spock, but of course, he found nothing out of the ordinary. As he was nearing the end of his procedures, Kirk arrived in sickbay.

Spock had been patiently lying down (at least, as patiently as a Vulcan can be when Dr. McCoy was involved). His relatively fast Vulcan heart rate was being tracked on the screen above the bed, a steady beep that indicated he was alive.

But, as soon as Spock saw the Captain walk in, his heart rate suddenly leaped to well above a normal Vulcan's.

McCoy whipped around at the sudden acceleration of the beeping noise, but before he could confirm what he had just heard, Spock had already swung his legs off the bed and stood up.

The sound instantly died away, leaving only silence in its wake.

Spock stood by the bed, fighting hard to control the blush he could already feel across his cheeks.

McCoy cleared his throat after a moment and said, "Well, Spock, you're perfectly healthy. You're free to go now."

He had a strong suspicion about what had just happened, but he didn't think Spock would take too kindly to being informed about it in front of Kirk.

The Captain—still standing in the doorway—looked from one man to the other. He had the distinct feeling he was missing something here.

"Yes, well, Spock—oh, and you too, Bones—if you're finished here, please report to the briefing room; Scotty thinks he's found something."


	4. Chapter 4

"The main power source is being transmitted from the 4th planet in this system," Scotty was saying. "Holding us here is talking a lot of their power, so they need constant replacement from the surface."

They whole bridge crew had gathered in the briefing room (except for Sulu, who was still on the bridge). Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Scotty, and Chekov were discussing what to do about the unidentified ship. So far, they hadn't been able to determine what species the ship belonged to because of the alien configuration and lack of crew on board.

"And you think we can free the Enterprise by destroying this power source?" Kirk asked.

"Aye," Scotty replied. "Although it won't be easy to get to."

"Mr. Spock, readings on the planet?" Kirk inquired.

"There is a substantial concentration of life forms at the coordinates of the power source," he replied.

"Alright, we'll beam down to the surface with a landing party," Kirk decided.

"Captain, I must inform you that their defense systems are highly sensitive; their sensor net would prevent any large-party transport," Spock added.

"Alright, Mr. Spock and I will beam down by ourselves," Kirk announced.

\-------------------------------------------------------

A few minutes (and several protests from McCoy and Scotty—the latter mainly consisting of, "I just don't like it, Captain") later, Kirk and Spock were in the transporter room.

He looked over at Spock to make sure he was ready, a thrill of excitement shooting up his spine. Which was odd, because they'd done this sort of thing countless times before.

Spock returned the look and nodded once.

"Energize," Kirk ordered.

Scotty pulled down the switch, and Kirk and Spock disappeared in a shimmer of light.

Once they rematerialized, they found themselves in a dark cave. Spock pulled out his tricorder and fiddled with one of the dials. "Mr. Scott has programmed my tricorder to trace the alien power source," Spock explained. "This way."

He began walking toward one corner of the cave, Kirk following behind him. After a few minutes, they emerged into a dark tunnel which ran left and right. After a few seconds of consulting his tricorder, Spock led the way down the left passage. They continued like this for some 15 minutes, barely a word passing between them. Kirk didn't know if Spock could sense it, but he felt a certain... tension in the air between them. Kirk had no idea what to say; there didn't seem to be anything that needed discussing right now and he certainly didn't want to say the _wrong_ thing (odd, he'd never been worried about that before), so he just kept quiet.

Eventfully, they reached a larger, more well-lit room than any of the other small ones they'd passed through before. The walls were made of the same bluish-gray rock as the rest of the place, but instead of being empty, various machines and cabinets were arranged in a line along the perimeter of the room. The machines looked large and old—full of dust and untouched for years. The other things in the room (cabinets, drawers, a desk) were all stuffed with dry, yellow papers. Spock walked over to one of the machines while Kirk reached out and pulled open one of the drawers.

"This appears to be an old record room," Spock stated after examining the machine for a few moments.

"Very old, by the looks of it," Kirk agreed, holding up a stack of dry, yellowing papers. The material crinkled at his touch, but held.

"Indeed," Spock replied.

They continued to look around the room, but most of the papers were in such bad condition that anything written on them was illegible. Spock concluded that whatever civilization had occupied the planet, no one had entered the room for centuries. Eventually they left and continued on through the tunnels. The walls here were smoother and some of the rooms looked more recently occupied. _We must be getting close,_ Kirk thought. Suddenly, the tunnel abruptly ended in a solid metal wall. Upon closer examination, Kirk and Spock discovered that it was a door. Spock moved to the edge of the tunnel to try and decipher some writing on a small panel in the wall.

"Does it explain how to open the door?" Kirk asked as he felt around for some kind of lever or button. It wasn't very well-lit in the corridor, so he wasn't having much success.

Spock didn't answer right away, for he was still trying to decipher the ancient symbols carved into the panel. He could only discern a few words, which made it seem like the door opened automatically. Then he recognized another word; danger. Just as Spock realized this, Kirk made an exclamation of triumph as the door slid open.

"This way, Mister-"

But he got no further, for at that moment his breath was suddenly driven from his lungs.  
He landed on his side with a grunt, surprised. Kirk turned his head to look up, and was just in time to see Spock collapse next to him, a steaming black circle in the middle of his chest.


	5. Chapter 5

"Spock!" Kirk cried, immediately rushing over to him. He realized that whatever had hit Spock must have been some sort of trap on the door, and it would've hit himself had Spock not shoved him out of the way.

Kirk leaned over and felt the Vulcan's side for a pulse.

There was none.

Kirk's heart lurched wildly in his chest, not daring to believe what his mind was telling him.

Then, suddenly, he felt something. A heartbeat. It was followed by another, and another. Spock was alive.

His pulse was faint, barely noticeable. But it was there.

Spock was alive.

Hands shaking, Kirk quickly pulled out his communicator and flipped it open.

"Scotty, beam McCoy down to my coordinates immediately. It's an emergency."

"Captain, are you alright? What's happened?"

"Nevermind that, just beam McCoy down!!" Kirk ordered, a slight note of panic creeping into his voice.

Scotty finally realized the urgency of the situation and hurried to comply with the Captain's request. "Aye, sir," he said. "Scott out."

Kirk closed his communicator and sat back on his heels, anxiously waiting for the Doctor to arrive. _This is my fault, this is all my fault,_ he thought.

About a minute later, McCoy materialized in front of him with his medical kit. "What happened?" the Doctor asked, kneeling in front of Spock and getting straight to work.

"We reached the door and I was trying to get it open. Then it activated some sort of trap. Spock stepped in front and took the hit himself," he explained quickly.

"He's got several broken ribs and he was burned pretty badly but he'll live," McCoy announced after scanning Spock with his equipment.

He then set to work loosely wrapping his chest in bandages to protect the burns. Before he finished, McCoy gave him a hypo and applied some healing salve to Spock's chest.

"It's a good thing his heart's in the wrong place or he might not have been so lucky," McCoy commented in an attempt to reassure Kirk.  
"An injury like that would've killed any normal human."

Kirk could only nod distractedly, dizzy with relief. That moment when he thought Spock was dead had been the scariest of his entire life.

"We'd better get him back to the ship," McCoy said as he packed his medical equipment away.  
"He won't get very far in his current condition."

Kirk nodded and picked up his communicator. But before he could open it, they heard a shout from behind them. It came from the other side of the door, which had remained open.  
Lights began to appear around a bend in the tunnel, followed by running creatures in black, hooded cloaks. Well, they weren't so much running as they were gliding—like puppets being pulled on a string.

Kirk and McCoy pulled out their phasers and turned quickly to face the oncoming threat. There was no time to find a place to hide; they had already been seen by now.

"Drop your weapons!" one of them shouted. To which Kirk promptly stunned the creature in the chest with his phaser.

As the group came closer, Kirk and McCoy started picking them off as fast as they could. But there were too many of them, and they seemed unnaturally resistant to phaser fire. As the creatures became level with Kirk and McCoy, they both tossed aside their phasers and began fighting hand-to-hand.

Kirk bent down and threw the first one over his shoulder behind him. The creature was surprisingly light and cold to the touch, as if it was composed entirely of mist held together by the dark cloaks they all wore. Kirk then slammed a fist into the next creature's face. At least they were solid enough to land a few good punches. Someone grabbed him from behind, so he quickly turned and threw himself against the wall, crushing his attacker against the rough stone.

McCoy was doing the same, although he wasn't quite as skilled at hand-to-hand combat. He managed to knock out 3 of the creatures before they grabbed his arms and forced them behind his back, restricting any movement.

Soon after, Kirk was also subdued, although he continued to struggle and pull against the creatures that held him.

"Now, now, enough of that," said a deep, powerful voice.

Kirk looked up a few meters down the tunnel where the voice had come from. The dim light ended there, so everything beyond that was just shadow.

The mysterious voice moved closer and now they could see a tall outline. He was barely within the area of light, so nothing could be seen yet of his face.

"We are honored to have such distinguished guests in our presence," he continued.

"Why are you holding my ship?" Kirk demanded, still struggling to free himself.

When he spoke again, Kirk could practically hear the malicious smile in his voice. "All in good time, Captain Kirk. All in good time." He then turned and disappeared, seeming to melt into the shadows around him.

Kirk and McCoy were shoved forward after the creature. The message was clear: move. Kirk looked back and saw two of them dragging an unconscious Spock along the tunnel floor. His face contorted with anger, but before he could say anything, he was prodded sharply in the back.

Kirk turned and found himself staring straight into the eyes of one of the guards. His shadowy face seemed to lower the temperature around him, his black, chilling eyes the only distinguishable feature. It made Kirk feel empty and lifeless, but at the same time full of unease and fear. He suddenly realized that making these creatures angry was probably not a wise decision.

Kirk wrenched his eyes away from the guard's hooded face. Then, swallowing his resentment, he let himself be driven farther and farther along the tunnel, into the awaiting darkness beyond.


	6. Chapter 6

The first thing Kirk noticed when he regained consciousness was the cold.

He sat up from where he was lying on the floor and looked around. He appeared to be in some kind of cell. Despite the dim light, he was able to make out the dark walls around him and a barred door straight ahead. He started suddenly as he remembered what had happened, but relaxed when he saw Spock lying on the floor next to him.

"Jim, you're awake, are you feeling alright?"

McCoy's voice came from the left. Turning, Kirk saw him leaning against the rough wall of the cell.

"I'm fine," Kirk answered, then returned his attention back to his first officer. "How's Spock?"

"He's weak and unconsciousness, but he's doing alright."

Kirk nodded and stared fondly at Spock. He almost reached out for his hand, but managed to stop himself at the last moment.

McCoy noticed the look and raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"Where are we?" Kirk asked after a few moments, turning back to the Doctor.

"I woke up in here a little while ago. We seem to be in the dungeons, and judging by the cold I'd say we're pretty far underground. They took our phasers and communicators as well."

Kirk nodded and stood up. He moved toward the door of the cell, but was stopped by McCoy's hand on his arm.

"Careful," he said, a warning look on his face.

Kirk nodded and continued to the bars. Looking out, he saw the same dim tunnel extending as far as he could see in either direction. Cells lined both sides, and several guards were standing along the corridor at regular intervals. They also wore all black; long, flowing, hooded cloaks that covered their faces in shadow. Although they were dressed similarly to the mysterious creature they'd met in the tunnel earlier, these guards were not as tall, and didn't command nearly the same sense of power and authority.

Kirk leaned farther toward the bars, craning his neck to try and see the end of the hallway. He was rewarded with a sharp hiss in his right ear. He whipped around to see one of the creatures standing right next to the cell. Odd; Kirk hadn't seen him approach.

The creature bared its pointed teeth and slunk out of view, disappearing with its warning. _Rebellion is obviously discouraged around here_ , Kirk thought.

Suddenly, he heard a noise from the back of the cell. Kirk turned and noticed Spock was stirring. In less than a second he was on the ground next to him.

"Spock," he said softy, searching his eyes for some indication that he was okay. "Spock, are you alright?"

"Doctor McCoy's potion is acting like all his potions—turning my stomach. Other than that, I am quite well," Spock pointedly replied.

"If your blood were red instead of green, you wouldn't have an upset stomach," McCoy piped up from the other side of the cell.

"Just what do you think you were trying to do?" Kirk asked him accusingly.

"I surmised you were unaware of the trap on that door, so I–"

"Stepped in front and took the blast yourself," Kirk finished disapprovingly.

"I assure you, Captain, I had no intention of doing that. It was merely my own clumsiness which prevented me from moving out of the way," Spock explained.

"I see. Well next time, just yell. I can step out of the way as quickly as the next man," Kirk grudgingly told him, his voice hiding the true extent of his concern and relief.

"I shall do so," Spock replied.

"Trying to get yourself killed. Do you know how much Starfleet has invested in you?" Kirk muttered.

"122,200—"

"Never mind," Kirk interrupted. "But... thanks," he finally murmured, glad to see that the Vulcan did, in fact, appear to be alright.

Spock nodded slightly in acknowledgment, then turned his head to the side to try and see more of their surroundings. "How long have I been unconscious?" he asked.

"Only a few hours," McCoy answered from against the wall. "You've got several broken ribs, so don't try to get up." McCoy added this last part as he noticed Spock attempting to raise himself into a sitting position.

Spock hesitated, then complied with the Doctor's order. He continued to crane his neck in an attempt to search the cell for any possible escape routes.

"There's no way to get out of here without those shadow demons seeing us," McCoy informed him, referring to the guards outside their cell.

Spock nodded, then said, "I suggest we wait for a more opportune time to attempt an escape."

"I agree," Kirk joined in. "Whatever those creatures have in store for us, it can't be good."

Suddenly, they heard the screeching sound of a door being opened. Outside stood half a dozen of the cloaked guards. They seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. It was an uncanny ability.

"Asmodeus will speak with you now," one of them announced. His voice seemed to slither its way into their ears, not unlike the sinister hiss of a snake about to strike.

The cloaked men parted themselves down the middle, revealing the same mysterious creature they had seen earlier. He stood in the dimmest light of the tunnel, in the half-shadows near the wall. When he spoke, his voice was rich and strong, in stark contrast to the guard's airy hiss.

"Hello, Captain Kirk. I am Asmodeus. I trust you find the accommodations... satisfactory?"

"We'll manage," Kirk answered, face set.

"I'm sure you will," the creature said, a demonic edge to his voice.

"Our ship will come for us," Kirk informed him.   
"They won't rest until we've been rescued."

"Indeed, Captain. And when they do come, you're going to order your men to serve me as the new captain of the Enterprise."

Kirk narrowed his eyes.

"You must know that's impossible. Starfleet regulations—"

"Can be circumvented, I'm sure," Asmodeus interrupted him. "I've been monitoring your communications," he announced. "In the end, the only person that I really need to obey me is you. By ordering your people to serve me, your _precious regulations_ will force them to do whatever I may wish," he continued.

"You see, long ago there were others of my kind. We used to rule the galaxy, building an empire that would put even the stars to shame. You may have heard of me from your ancient Earth lore. Our creations spanned all across the known universe but this planet here—this was our home. We had beautiful cities reaching from the shining crystal mountains of the north to the deep underwater palaces in the south. We used to rule—together—but they were arrogant, idiotic fools. They deemed my people and I to be 'too violent for coexistence.' So they destroyed virtually everything on the surface and left us here to suffer, isolated and alone, until you came along with your lovely starship. My kind have been trapped upon this worthless piece of rock for far too long, Captain. It is time we ascend to the sky to take our rightful place among the stars."

"Do you really believe I could be made to order my own people to accept your command?" Kirk asked him calmly.

"I believe this, Captain. That you would do almost anything rather than see these two dear friends put slowly to death," Asmodeus replied, his voice nauseatingly soft and sweet.

The creature suddenly drew its arm away from its body and extended a hand out to Kirk. In it was one of their communicators.

"Take it, Captain Kirk. Now do save us all a lot of unnecessary trouble and issue the appropriate orders," he purred.

Kirk stared at him for a long moment. Finally, he reached out a hand and took the device.

"Jim," McCoy said warningly.

Kirk paused for a moment, then flipped the communicator open. "Kirk to Enterprise."

"Bridge. Scott here," came the engineer's voice. "We were becoming concerned, Captain. You were a bit overdue."

Kirk paused again. A low hissing sound came from Asmodeus' direction. Finally, Kirk said, "Condition Green, all's well. Kirk out." He immediately flipped the communicator closed.

"Guards, take them," Asmodeus announced, the malicious pleasure clear in his voice. "Let's start with the Vulcan."

Kirk narrowed his eyes angrily, moving to stand in between Spock and the creatures.

The first one that entered the cell tried to grab his arms, but Kirk swayed out of the way and landed a strong jab to its face. While he was preoccupied, the second guard stepped in and punched him in the stomach. Kirk gasped, then suddenly felt an iron grip on his wrist. The third guard then twisted his arm and hurled Kirk into the wall with surprising force, driving the last of the air from his lungs.

When he was finally able to sit up, he saw McCoy on the ground a few feet away. The Doctor groaned and raised his head, a large welt forming on his left temple.

They both turned, Kirk already up and racing to the now-locked door of the cell. He looked down the corridor and felt his heart sink as he saw Spock being dragged along behind one of the guards, unconscious again.

"Spock!!" he yelled down the hall at the top of his voice.

But it did no good; Kirk was powerless to stop them from taking Spock away—off down the endless, shadowy hallway toward the unknown tortures that awaited him.


	7. Chapter 7

They waited an hour.

Then two.

Then three.

"Will you stop pacing?" McCoy asked, irritated.

Unfortunately, after their encounter with Asmodeus, the communicator he had given to Kirk had mysteriously disappeared. Obviously, there would be no calls for help in this dungeon. Without any way to know Spock's location or what his condition was, Kirk had taken to pacing to try and calm his growing dread. He looked down to where McCoy had taken a sitting position against the wall.

"Yes, yes, of course," Kirk muttered. He went over to the far wall and sat down against it.

Thirty seconds passed. Then McCoy heaved an internal groan as Kirk stood up and resumed his pacing. "I'm just so worried, Bones," he said exasperatingly. "We have no idea what they're doing to him, nothing good I assume, and... and it's all my fault," he sighed as he finally sank to the floor again.

"Jim, it's not your fault, you couldn't have done anything," McCoy reassured him. "Besides, you couldn't let them have the ship, could you?" he asked after several moments of silence.

"I suppose not," Kirk replied. "But I'm still worried," he added.

"Jim, I know how you feel about Spock—" Kirk looked up sharply at that, "—and I know he can handle pretty much anything. You don't need to be so worried," McCoy continued.

"Well, I suppose so," Kirk answered gruffly, a little red in the face that McCoy knew his secret. Kirk drew breath to further voice his concern when suddenly, the cell door rattled.

Both men looked up to see several of the guards standing outside the door—where there had been none just a moment ago. Kirk frowned, wondering how these creatures were able to appear and disappear so easily. But a second later, all thought was wiped from his mind.

There at the front of the line of guards, Kirk finally noticed Spock.

As they opened the door to deposit Spock back in the cell, Kirk suddenly got a clear view of him and gasped.

Most of Spock's face was covered in green blood, evidence of several head wounds. His uniform was torn in many places, revealing dark blotches of color on his ribs. As the guards dropped him unceremoniously on the hard floor, Kirk also noticed that he was twisted awkwardly, obviously trying to alleviate the pain.

Kirk rushed forward to Spock, dropping down on his knees next to him. He was so distracted that he didn't even notice the guards' retreat, like a shadow oozing away along the floor.

"Know this, Captain," Asmodeus' voice slithered from the depths of the tunnel. "I'm not finished with you yet."

Kirk strained his eyes in the direction of the voice, but all he saw was the rough stone walls of the dungeon. His words worried Kirk, but right now, there were more pressing matters to attend to.

"Spock," Kirk said softly, voice broken. Before he could do anything else, however, McCoy interrupted him.

"Jim, move aside." He pulled out his medical kit and scanned Spock. Earlier, McCoy realized that all of their belongings except his medical supplies had been confiscated. He now wondered if that was deliberate, to allow them to discover and treat all of Spock's injuries. _They obviously aren't done with us yet_ , McCoy thought grimly.

"He's got a concussion from those head wounds there, and his broken ribs have gotten worse—a result of severe bruising," he announced. "The thing I can't explain," McCoy frowned, "is why he's in such an agitated state. Normally, Vulcans can ignore pain pretty easily."

Kirk moved forward and placed a hand on Spock's arm. "Spock," he said softly, trying to rouse him. "Spock, can you hear me?"

"Jim, I need to stop the bleeding from  
the wounds on his head," McCoy said apologetically, pulling out several strips of bandages from his kit. Kirk nodded and reluctantly moved away to let the Doctor work.

Once his head was bandaged, McCoy let Kirk attempt to wake him. "Spock," he tried again. When Spock didn't respond, Kirk raised his hand and gently rested the backs of his fingers against Spock's cheek. After a moment, he heard a soft moan, then the Vulcan moved beneath him.

"Spock," Kirk said again, more urgently this time.

"Captain," Spock murmured softly, the action obviously causing him pain.

"What happened? What did they do to you?" Kirk asked, his voice full of concern.

"At first they used physical means of injury, but when they realized it was ineffective, they moved to telepathic methods instead," Spock explained, his voice soft and strained.

"Usually I am able to ignore such pain, but their technique was specifically designed to penetrate deep into the consciousness, affecting the mind rather than the body."

The pain that Spock felt seemed like a knife driven deep into his skull. It sent waves of agony coursing through his whole body, and nothing he did could reduce it. It was undeniable, lodged deep in his consciousness, preventing him from thinking about anything else. What Spock had just experienced, he hoped would never happen again.

"Spock," Kirk choked, his voice faltering. "This is all my fault." His face was etched with lines of pain, as if Spock's agony was his own. He reached down and laced his fingers with the Vulcan's, pulling his hand to his chest to try and comfort him.

McCoy saw the action and moved to the far end of the cell in an attempt to give them some degree of privacy. A knowing smirk twitched at the corner of his mouth.

"Captain, you could not have known the creature's motives when we beamed down; therefore, there is no logical reason for your—"

"Spock," Jim interrupted. "I just.... I need to tell you....." Kirk began, but found that he could not get the words out. He was stopped by a hand on his arm. Spock slowly reached up and paused with his fingers just inches from Kirk's face. Spock's eyes were hesitant, questioning. Kirk nodded, so the Vulcan placed his fingers on the skin around Kirk's eyes in a mind meld.

Instantly, a flood of emotions passed between them. First and foremost, Kirk felt Spock's pain–an ache that seemed to come from his very soul. Spock in turn felt Kirk's regret and anguish at seeing his first officer in so much discomfort.

Then, as their minds moved closer together, Kirk felt a new emotion. It was strong and unwavering, but warm as well. He realized that is was Spock's loyalty, his devotion to him, and after a moment, he saw it. Love.

Spock was also encountering Kirk's deepest emotions. He discovered a sudden warm sensation. He turned toward it and was confronted with a bright, shining light. He felt how much Kirk cared for him—how much he needed him—and came to the same conclusion the Captain had. Love.

As both of them had the realization, they suddenly pulled back in surprise. Kirk stared at Spock, his face stretched in a brilliant smile. Never in a thousand years did he think Spock would feel the same way.

The Vulcan's face was questioning, both eyebrows raised in astonishment. He had no idea what to do, how to proceed. The chance that Kirk might reciprocate his feelings had been almost nonexistent.

Kirk reached forward and lightly touched Spock's hand, pulling it back up to his face. He nodded at Spock, and after a moment, he continued the mind meld.

Spock again felt that warm, bright emotion, and moved closer to it. He surrounded himself in it, seeming to immerse his mind in its depths. It spread to his body through his fingertips, swirling into every part of himself. It washed over him in one giant wave, and Spock found that it seemed to soothe him. The deepest edge of the pain was wiped away, leaving only closed scars in its wake. For the first time in his life, Spock felt completely at peace.

Kirk felt Spock's pain turn to nothing, and his mind flooded with relief. He moved his consciousness even closer, until neither could tell the difference between them. They intertwined their very souls, warmth radiating from their connection. Shared emotions seeming to fill all the trivial space between their bodies. They breathed as one, thought as one, loved as one—and together, they were content.

They stayed like this for some time, neither wanting to interrupt the closeness between them. Finally, Spock pulled away, knowing that they could not continue the meld forever. As Kirk's consciousness separated from his, Spock found that he could still feel the warm touch of Kirk's thoughts. The pain felt softer and less harsh than before, as if Kirk's mind was still surrounding him—protecting him from the worst of his discomfort. Spock wondered if that was a result of the intimacy of the mind meld. A word teased itself into his consciousness, and though it had just now occurred to him, Spock knew with all his heart that it was true.

 _T'hy'la_.

Kirk slowly opened his eyes to see Spock smiling back at him. He discovered that he loved the sight of Spock when he was happy, and wished he could look that way always. He could still sense Spock's strength and devotion, weaker as they moved apart. But it was still there, and it seemed to anchor him, ground him—giving him support and a deep sense of calm.

As they stared into each other's eyes—their love clearly displayed in them—Kirk and Spock realized that the only place they had ever truly belonged was by each other's side.


	8. Chapter 8

The hours passed slowly for the 3 trapped men. They were alone in the dungeon with no one to talk to but themselves. The guards were silent and no noise could be heard from the ends of the tunnel. An eerie stillness filled the air, pressing in on itself to create a seemingly impenetrable wall of silence. They all had too many thoughts in their brains to sleep, so Kirk, Spock, and McCoy simply laid there quietly on the hard, stone floor.

After their mind meld, Kirk and Spock remained separate, keeping a few feet between them as they sat against the dungeon wall. They didn't feel the need to show McCoy any more than they already had, and Spock needed time to recover.

Finally—after what seemed like ages—the cell door suddenly rattled. The 3 men looked up in surprise. There, out of nowhere, the mysterious Asmodeus himself had appeared. The door swung open and he slid gracefully inside. He was followed by several of his shadowy guards. Like before, they seemed to appear out of thin air—and all were armed.

"Greetings, Captain Kirk. I'm glad you've had a chance to rejuvenate. This unforgiving rock doesn't offer much in terms of comfort, but unfortunately, it was the best we could do. I am sure you understand the benefits of a 'change in scenery,' as you would call it. Now is the moment we have been waiting for; my people and I are ready to depart." Despite having a face entirely covered in shadow, it was surprisingly easy to discern the calculating, satisfied grin stretched across Asmodeus' features.

Kirk, Spock, and McCoy looked up at the tall figure looming over them. Somehow, even though the inside of their cell was fairly well-lit, Asmodeus managed to keep almost his entire body hidden in darkness. Already filled with contempt for this creature, Kirk wasted no time getting straight to business.

"Go to the devil," he said, keeping his tone neutral.

"Why, Captain, haven't you enjoyed your stay here? I've done my best to make you feel... appreciated." The iciness of his voice seemed to chill the air, and it took all of his willpower to resist the urge to shiver.

"Oh, I'm sure you're just itching to find a way to escape, to warn your precious ship and crew. Well, Captain, since I've already been your gracious host this evening, I think it's only fair that you return the favor." Asmodeus once again detached his arm from his body, holding a communicator out to Kirk for the second time. "Your communications device," he announced.

Hesitantly, Kirk reached out his own hand and took the communicator. He was suspicious, of course, but he had already seen what this creature had done to Spock. He wasn't too keen to discover what would happen if he tested its patience any further.

"Now, signal your ship and tell them to beam me aboard as her new captain," he continued.   
"Don't plan any tricks, Kirk." Asmodeus' voice hardened. "Any sign of treachery and I promise you will regret it."

Kirk looked up at Asmodeus with a determined set to his face. "I'll beam you aboard the Enterprise. Once there, no tricks," Kirk promised in a calm, steady tone.

"Jim, you can't hand over the Enterprise," McCoy protested.

"Order everybody in this area to be transported up. All weapons on him," Asmodeus demanded coolly.

Kirk stood silently for a long moment. Finally, he flipped open the communicator. "Enterprise, come in Enterprise, this is the Captain."

"Scott here, sir," Scotty's voice replied. "Are you all right, sir? We lost you for a while there."

"Yes, yes, we're fine," he answered in a conversational tone. "Mr. Scott, we have guests. Adjust transporter to wide field. Beam up everyone in the target area," Kirk ordered. As he lowered the communicator to his side, he managed to subtly press one of the buttons on the device's front panel. This would cause a warning light to flash up on the Captain's chair–where Scotty was presumably receiving his message.

"Understood, Captain," the engineer replied.

Kirk looked meaningfully at Spock, then McCoy. Finally, he raised the communicator back up to his mouth. "Energize."

In a flash of light, Kirk, Spock, and McCoy suddenly found themselves standing in the transporter room. However, it was only the three of them on the pad.

"Full security, on the double," Kirk called to Scotty at the transporter controls. The three of them quickly moved to the other side of the room, Scotty pushing various buttons and switches.

"What happened?" McCoy asked, slightly confused.

"The landing party is intact, Doctor," Spock replied.

"All others suspended in transit. Who are the guests, by the way?" Scotty asked cheerfully.

"Some kind of shadow-creatures," Kirk replied shortly.

"Well, they're right in here." Scotty smiled, tapping the console in front of him.

Suddenly, the transporter room doors slid open to admit several armed security officers into the room. They positioned themselves around the now-empty transporter pad and nodded at the Captain. He nodded back, then turned to Scotty. 

"Bring them in," Kirk announced.

The yellow glow of the transporter once again filled the room. After it passed, six dark, shadowy creatures were now standing before them.

"Drop your weapons!" one of the security officers shouted. Put your hands above your—"

Suddenly, Asmodeus realized what had happened and bared a set of razor-sharp teeth. "Liar!" he snarled with a sinister hiss.

"I said no tricks _after_ we reach the ship," Kirk told him firmly. "You are now a prisoner of the Federation of Planets against which you may or may not have committed an act of war."

Asmodeus yelled something in an alien language and charged the security officers, his men right behind him.

The shadowy creatures fought viciously and seemed to be very resistant to phasers. They sent several security officers flying into the walls in an unearthly display of power and strength. They carried themselves from side to side impossibly fast, effectively avoiding almost all phaser fire. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy joined in to help subdue the creatures.

After several minutes of effort, the security officers' numbers finally began to overwhelm the shadow creatures. Soon, the only one left standing was Asmodeus.

"This is not over yet, Kirk," the shadowy creature announced, his calm demeanor revealing the inherent threat in his statement. "I will have my revenge."

Suddenly, Kirk felt extremely dizzy. He stumbled for a moment and grabbed on to the transporter console. Then, as quickly as the sensation had appeared, it was gone. Kirk looked up just in time to see the expression of grim triumph on Asmodeus' face as all six of the creatures disappeared in a wisp of smoke. The ensuing silence lasted only a second.

"Jim, are you alright?" McCoy asked urgently, having noticed Kirk's stumble. The Doctor grabbed his arm. "Can you walk?"

"Yes, yes, I'm fine, Bones. Just make sure Spock is alright," he answered wearily.

McCoy nodded and turned to the Vulcan.

He was leaning against the wall slightly, as if he had just lost his balance. His right hand was  
on his temple and he was blinking rapidly.

"Spock!" McCoy exclaimed, rushing to his side. "Spock, are you alright?"

"I am fine, Doctor. I merely experienced a brief moment of confusion," he responded.

"We need to get him to sickbay," McCoy told the security officers. One of them stepped forward to help McCoy as he pulled Spock's arm around his shoulder.

"Doctor, I can assure you I'm quite capable of making it to sickbay on my own," Spock protested. 

"Nonsense," McCoy replied, guiding Spock toward the door. "Let's go, you green-blooded hobgoblin."

"Oh, and Jim," McCoy added, pausing for a second.

Kirk looked up at the sound of the Doctor's voice.

"Don't forget to report directly to sickbay for a complete medical examination," he ordered in a stern tone.

Kirk sighed inwardly, then chuckled to himself as he watched Spock and McCoy exit the transporter room. Finally, he turned to where Scotty was standing behind one of the consoles.

"Thank you, Mr. Scott, for being well-prepared to receive us," he said with a knowing smile. "I'm glad the Condition Green code was understood." 

"Just following orders, sir," Scotty grinned back.

Kirk nodded once more, then left the transporter room himself. He knew how worked up McCoy could get if he refused to submit to his examinations. Kirk had long ago decided that hell hath no fury like an old country doctor scorned. Although, he had to admit—he was a little worried about that dizziness spell and how Spock also seemed to have been affected. Maybe he should drop by sickbay, just in case. So, Kirk decided to forgo their usual routine and just get it over with. Besides, it also meant he could check up on Spock, he thought with a little smile.

Decision made, the Captain started down the corridor at a brisk pace, hoping things would finally get back to normal around here.


	9. Chapter 9

"Set course for Deep Space Station K-7, warp factor 2."

"Aye, Mr. Spock," Sulu responded, plotting the course into the ship's computer.

It had been several days since their encounter with Asmodeus and the shadow creatures, as the crew had begun to call them. Spock was almost completely recovered, having spent two full days in sickbay at the firm request of Doctor McCoy. The ship had resumed its original course—en route to Deep Space Station K-7 to assist in an important assignment regarding a disputed planet. All in all, life aboard the Enterprise had pretty much returned to normal. Well, almost normal. That is to say, Kirk and Spock had barely spoken to each other since their return from the mysterious planet. They both knew that they needed to discuss the future of their 'relationship,' but neither of them had been particularly keen to bring it up.

Once Spock had completed his duties on the bridge, he decided to return to his quarters for a while. After passing the conn to Sulu, he stepped into the turbolift. Several seconds passed before the door slid open again, but the turbolift had not yet arrived at the correct deck. Instead, the doors opened to reveal Kirk standing in the corridor, his expression clearly showing that he had not expected Spock to be inside. Kirk stood frozen for a moment, then realized it was too late to do anything except step into the turbolift. He cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Bridge," Kirk muttered, making an enormous effort to avoid eye contact.

After several awkward seconds, they finally arrived at Spock's destination. He stepped out of the turbolift as soon as the doors were fully open and hurried down the corridor without looking back. He had no idea why he was acting so strangely; he just had a very strong urge to engage in as little communication with Captain Kirk as possible.

Kirk regretfully watched him go, knowing that it was partly his fault for letting the situation develop. He promised himself that he would talk to Spock, properly—and soon. Just not today, though, he added as an afterthought.

\-------------------------------------------------------

The next day on the bridge, everything was going smoothly and according to plan. The Enterprise was still 72 hours away from their destination, so there wasn't really much for any of them to do.

Kirk was sitting in the captain's chair, staring distractedly out at the stars going by at warp speed on the viewscreen. Sulu, Chekov, Scotty, and Uhura were all at their stations while McCoy was standing next to Kirk. Since there were currently no patients to attend to in sickbay, the Doctor had decided to kill some time by visiting the bridge.

Suddenly, the doors slid open behind them and Spock stepped out of the turbolift. He moved to his station and sat down, quickly busying himself with something to avoid looking at Kirk. The Captiain mirrored his actions, seeming very intent on the monotone image of the viewscreen in front of him. McCoy noticed their behavior. He raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

Several more minutes of silence passed, save for the beeping and whirring of the ship in the background. While Spock had the benefit of a console to fiddle with, Kirk had nothing to do but sit there. He was beginning to grow bored, and just a tiny bit antsy.

"Chekov, what is the estimated time to our destination?" he asked suddenly.

"3 days, 23 hours, and 53 minutes, sir," Chekov replied.

Kirk nodded thoughtfully, as if the information required a great deal of time to process.

"And, uh, Commander?" Kirk began, stumbling slightly on how to address Spock. "Any unidentified objects or ships in the area?"

"Sensors show nothing unusual," Spock replied. "Captain," he added after a moment, having forgotten to add the word to the end of his brief report. Spock then turned back to his station in an attempt to make himself look busy again, fighting to keep the blush from revealing itself on his face.

McCoy stood next to Kirk on the bridge, watching the proceedings with some amusement. But, eventually he realized that the pair were in desperate need of help, and—as per usual—he was going to have to be the one to provide it.

"Captain, can I see you in sickbay?" he asked casually. "I'd like to go over some of your recent medical examinations."

Kirk looked at McCoy's knowing smile and heaved an internal sigh. He had a pretty good idea what McCoy wanted to discuss with him, and it had nothing to do with his quarterly physical.

"Uh, Mr. Spock," Kirk said after clearing his throat. "You have the bridge."

He then stood up and followed McCoy into the turbolift, resigning himself to his fate.

Once in sickbay, McCoy turned and gave Kirk a disapproving glare.

"Jim, what is going on with you and Spock?" he asked. "Have you even talked to him since we returned from the planet?"

"Well, of course I've talked to him, Bones," Kirk answered defensively.

"No, not like that. I mean _really_ talked to him," McCoy responded exasperatedly. "You know, about your relationship," he added in a softer tone.

"I don't—I don't know Bones, I just—" Kirk began. Then he signed and collapsed into the chair behind McCoy's desk, putting his face in his hands. "I just don't know what to say to him," he continued, the distress clear in his voice. "I just—I try to talk to him and—and nothing comes out."

"Jim, this is a normal stage in a healthy relationship," McCoy responded in a reassuring tone. "You just have to force yourself into a room with him and talk it out. It's the only way you're going to get past this."

"I know you're right Bones, it's just—it's a lot easier said than done."

"Tell me about it," McCoy muttered. "That pointy-eared bastard is about as stubborn as they get." He smiled then, to show Kirk that he was joking. Unfortunately, it didn't help to improve Kirk's mood. His face remained in his hands, and a sigh could be heard escaping through his fingers.

"You know what, Jim," McCoy said after a moment. "The next time you see him, just tell him that you need to talk. It'll show that you're ready to have a discussion with him, and it'll make things less awkward between you," he added with a hint of a smirk.

Kirk couldn't help but smile at that. The way he and Spock had been dancing around each other lately was a childish attempt to avoid an uncomfortable situation, and probably looked quite comical to anyone who had witnessed it.

"Alright, Bones," Kirk decided. "I'll do it your way."

"Trust me," McCoy reassured him, "you'll feel a lot better once you get it over with."

The two of them got up and walked over to the door together. Then Kirk turned and smiled fondly at McCoy.

"Thank you, Bones," he said warmly. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd be a mess," McCoy jokingly agreed. "And good luck by the way," he added. "With Spock."

"Thanks," Kirk replied. "Something tells me I'm going to need it."


	10. Chapter 10

Three full days had gone by since Spock had seen Kirk in the turbolift, yet they still had not spoken yet.

He knew that his behavior was irrational and completely without logic, but Spock had discovered that this tended to be the case when Captain Kirk was involved. His emotions lately had been—by his standards—out of control, and he had no idea what to do about it. Spock knew that something eventually needed to happen, for they could not continue ignoring each other forever. Yet, in spite of this fact, he found that he very much disliked the idea of him being the one to do something about it.

After his shift was over, Spock stepped into the turbolift and left the bridge, idly wondering about how to resolve this issue with the Captain. After a few moments, the doors opened again—and who should be standing there but James T. Kirk himself.

The Captain opened his mouth, then closed it and stepped inside. The slight hum of the turbolift resumed itself, the only noise to break the silence that had settled on the pair of them. _We really have to stop meeting like this_ , Kirk thought.

As the two men stood there together, Spock's hand accidentally brushed against Kirk's. Spock blushed a little, but Kirk just smiled at him and gently took his hand. Spock immediately felt the stir of the Captain's thoughts, awoken by the contact of their skin. He felt the same feeling of warmth and affection from Kirk that he had on the planet. Reassured that Spock was okay with the contact, Kirk gently began to move his fingers along the back of the Vulcan's hand. Spock couldn't help but give a tiny smile of pleasure at the sensation, his heart rate accelerating with each passing second.

Spock turned to face Kirk, unsure of his intentions. "Captain—" he began, but realized that he had no idea what to say.

Kirk took a step closer, until their faces were mere inches apart.

"Captain—" Spock tried again, "there is a certain matter that we need to discuss."

"Shhh," Kirk breathed gently, closing his eyes and leaning in until his forehead met with Spock's. 

The Vulcan froze, unsure of how to respond. Their actions so far had been completely illogical. They needed to resolve the issue between them so it would stop interfering with their duties. Whatever they were doing right now had no discernible purpose. And yet, Spock found that he was not altogether opposed to it either.

"Jim," Spock breathed hesitantly against his lips.

Through the contact of their hands, Kirk could sense Spock's internal struggle. The Captain decided that he would solve the matter for him.

So, he tilted his head, leaned even farther forward, and gently pressed his lips to Spock's.

For several seconds, Spock could not react. The feeling of Kirk's lips against his own was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. He knew it to be an expression of affection between humans, but had never actually seen its purpose. Until now, of course.

Despite the pleasure he was inexplicably feeling, there was a tiny voice in the back of his head, warning him against throwing caution to the wind. What would happen if he gave in to his desires? Where would they take him? 

Suddenly, Kirk began to move his mouth against Spock's—and in that moment, his resolve crumbled. He found himself powerless to resist the actions of his Captain.

Kirk opened his eyes in astonishment as Spock leaned into the touch. Then, he hastily closed them and deepened the kiss. For several moments, they chased back and forth, until Kirk raised his other hand and gently cupped Spock's face. His thumb stroked across the Vulcan's cheekbone, and Spock could not stop a small moan of pleasure from escaping his mouth.

As their lips parted, Kirk turned his head slightly and kissed Spock's cheek instead. He continued to press his mouth to Spock's skin, slowly traveling along the jawline up to his ear.

Spock shivered at the new sensations being awoken by the Captain's lips. He was utterly helpless to control himself as the feelings washed over him.

His breath hitched slightly as Kirk grazed a pointed ear with his teeth. The small shock of pain mingled with his growing pleasure was almost enough to drive Spock crazy. He rested his other hand shakily on Kirk's shoulder in an attempt to steady himself.

Kirk smiled against Spock's skin, thoroughly delighted at what he was doing to his first officer.

After he was finished with Spock's ear, he began placing slow, open-mouthed kisses in a line down his neck. Spock panted at Kirk's cheek, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to restrain his emotions. The thrill of his Captain's lips upon his skin was almost too much for him.

"Jim—" Spock forced out in an attempt to get the Captain's attention. "Jim..... we...... we have to...." he gasped.

Then, without warning, the turbolift doors sprang open.

Kirk and Spock jumped apart, startled by the interruption. Luckily, there was no one in the immediate vicinity who could have seen them.

Spock leaned back against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut and taking several deep breaths in an attempt to calm his raging pulse. Kirk watched him, amused.

"Perhaps we could... continue this in my quarters?" he suggested.

Spock nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Kirk offered Spock one of his hands for support. He took it gratefully, but quickly let go as they stepped out of the turbolift.

The short walk to the Captain's quarters was a silent one, as neither man really knew what to say. To be honest, they were both feeling a little stunned—maybe more so in Spock's case.

Once they were inside, Spock turned to face the Captain.

"Jim," he began, "I think it would be best if we kept the nature of our... relationship private," he continued, pausing for a moment on 'relationship.'

"I agree," Kirk replied, seeing the wisdom in Spock's request.

There was silence for a moment, as both men contemplated how to proceed. Spock had absolutely no idea how to conduct himself in these matters, and hoped that Kirk knew what to do next.

"Come sit down, Spock," Kirk decided, leading the way to his bed.

He settled comfortably on one end, while Spock hesitantly joined him on the other.

"Jim, how should we proceed?" he asked suddenly, having been struggling with the question himself for some time.

Kirk just smiled. "However we want."

He moved his hand to rest on Spock's and leaned forward, eyes asking permission.

The corners of Spock's mouth lifted slightly as he also leaned in.

This time, when their lips met, Spock was a little more prepared for it. The kiss was innocent and sweet, both men relived at finally being able to express their feelings to each other.

When they finally stopped for breath—foreheads touching—Kirk opened his eyes. Spock was smiling; one of his rare, genuine smiles that he saved only for Kirk. The Captain smiled back, wondering at how lucky he was to be here like this with Spock.

"I missed you," Kirk said quietly, gazing deep into the Vulcan's eyes. The distance the two men had forced between themselves since their return from the planet had really begun to take a toll on him.

As the words left Kirk's mouth, Spock could feel his sincerity through the touch of their skin. He blushed slightly, unsure of how to express his own feelings.

Kirk noticed his reaction and chuckled softly. He could not help himself; everything Spock did always made him smile.

"Your laugh is quite pleasing," Spock said quietly, then blushed even more as he realized what he just said.

Kirk's heart filled with happiness as he sensed Spock's sincerity, his openness and vulnerability. Kirk would never cease to be amazed at the privilege he had been given—to see this wonderful, beautiful creature before him in a way that no one else ever had.

"I feel the same way about you, Spock. _All_ of you," Kirk replied, causing Spock to turn even more green—if such a thing were possible.

They gazed into each other's eyes again, lost in the love they saw in them. Then Kirk closed the distance between their lips, pouring all of his emotions through their bond. He could feel Spock's happiness, his affection and contentment—and delighted in the pleasure of the Vulcan's lips against his own.

"Jim, I should leave," Spock said after a while, a slightly regretful look on his face. He stood up from the bed and found himself very sorry to have to go.

As he turned toward the door, Kirk reached out and caught his hand. "Spock, wait," he said. "Stay."

"Jim, I don't think that would be wise—"

"Please," Kirk interrupted, a slightly pleading look in his eye.

Spock was silent for several moments. That little voice in the back of his head was screaming at him to leave, leave, just turn around and go. But, despite his better judgement, he found that he could not refuse the desperate eyes of his Captain, no matter how much he may wish to.

Having finally agreed to stay, Spock nodded and sat back down next to Kirk.

That night, they slept together side by side in Kirk's bed. Nothing too rushed—they were simply enjoying each other's company. They both laid there resting, loosely holding hands. Their emotions seemed to blend between them like an invisible current flowing from one man to the other.

As Kirk gazed upon the sleeping face of Spock beside him, the Vulcan's breaths slow and even, Kirk knew.

As one, they were content.


	11. Chapter 11

The next morning, life on the Enterprise had finally returned to normal. Kirk and Spock—having resolved their 'relationship issues'—were finally able to have a comfortable conversation together. The general mood on the bridge was warm and relaxed.

For perhaps the hundredth time, Kirk—having nothing else to occupy his attention—looked over at the science station and caught Spock's eye. He gave him a little smile, a look of fondness passing over his face. The corners of Spock's mouth twitched slightly in response.

All right, they may have been a little obvious with their facial expressions, but it didn't seem like anyone was really noticing. Anyone other than McCoy, of course.

"So, Jim, how are you feeling today?" he asked, coming to stand next to the Captain's chair.

"I'm perfectly fine, Bones, no need to worry," Kirk answered, his smile widening.

"I can see that," McCoy agreed, one eyebrow raising slightly in a knowing smirk. "I trust you took my advice then?"

"Indeed I did, Bones, and may I thank you for such an excellent recommendation," Kirk replied, grinning.

After his shift was over, Kirk followed McCoy back to sickbay to chat—and maybe have a drink as well.

They were walking along one of the corridors, discussing some details of their current assignment.

Suddenly, Kirk felt extremely dizzy. He stumbled, and put a hand out to the wall to steady himself. His vision swam in and out of focus and his head spun violently.

"Jim, are you alright?" McCoy asked, surprised.

Kirk struggled to focus on the image of McCoy in front of him. His eyesight was fading rapidly, and everything sounded distorted and wrong.

"Jim," McCoy said again, taking his arm to steady him.

Another second passed, and then the dizziness was gone.

Kirk looked up at McCoy. Although he felt balanced again, he still felt a little disoriented, as if he had stepped into some kind of alternate universe.

"Yes, Bones, I'm fine," Kirk said after a moment, straightening himself up off the wall.

"I don't know, Jim," McCoy replied, an edge of doubt in his voice. "Here, let's get you to sickbay."

Once they arrived, Kirk found that all traces of disorientation and dizziness had disappeared completely. After running a few tests and determining that Kirk was in perfect health, McCoy still ordered the Captain to his quarters for a while to rest.

When he got there, Kirk lay in bed for a while, staring up at the ceiling. Something definitely felt different, but he just couldn't quite put his finger on it.

\-------------------------------------------------------

In the morning, Kirk woke up and got ready for another day on the Enterprise. When he went to leave his quarters, however, he almost ran into the door. Mainly because it didn't open.

Kirk stepped back and tried again, walking through the doors as they now opened in front of him. Shrugging, he continued on his way to the bridge.

After several hours of routine operations, Kirk, Spock, and McCoy decided to take a break for lunch together. As they made their way down the corridor to the recreation room, Spock stepped in front of Kirk and McCoy to approached the door. He, too was stopped by the unmoving panels. Spock paused for a moment and raised an eyebrow. As if on cue, it finally slid open.

"That happened to me this morning," Kirk remarked, frowning.

Spock proceed inside, followed by an equally puzzled Kirk and McCoy.

The three men walked over to the food synthesizer to order their meals. When Kirk picked up his plate, he stared at it for a moment.

"My chicken sandwich and coffee," he said, referring to the odd, lumpy mixture he had received instead. "This is my chicken sandwich and coffee," he repeated in disbelief.

"Fascinating," Spock commented, while McCoy hid a grin.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Back on the bridge after their meal, Kirk and Spock again took their stations. McCoy had returned to sickbay. The Enterprise was currently supervising the shore leave of 12 Klingons on Deep Space K-7 and had to remain alert for any trouble.

After the Klingons returned to their ship, the Enterprise's security officers were able to return as well, allowing Kirk some time to rest in his quarters for the night.

The following morning, on his way to the bridge, Kirk encountered Spock in the turbolift.   
"Good morning, Spock," Kirk said pleasantly as he stepped inside.

"Good morning, Captain," Spock replied, a warm smile appearing on his face.

"How's my first officer this morning?" Kirk asked with a playful grin, instinctively leaning toward him.

"Jim, I don't think now is an appropriate time," Spock pointed out in a slightly apologetic tone.

Kirk stopped for a moment, then finally conceded. "Oh, all right," he grumbled, but gave Spock a quick peck on the cheek anyway.

The Vulcan blushed slightly, but offered no words of protest.

At that moment, the turbolift doors slid open. Kirk and Spock stepped out, only to find that they were not on the bridge, but in engineering instead. Kirk looked around, puzzled, but before he could say anything, Scotty called to him from across the room.

"Can I help you with anything, Captain?" he asked.

Kirk looked up as Scotty approached.

"No, no, Mr. Scott. Spock and I were just on our way to the bridge, but we seemed to have ended up here by mistake," Kirk explained.

"Well, that's odd," Scotty said thoughtfully.   
"We haven't had a problem with the turbolifts for quite a while. I'd better join you on the bridge to find out what's wrong."

So, Kirk and Spock moved back inside the turbolift, followed by Scotty. When they reached the bridge, the engineer stepped out and moved to his station. Kirk and Spock returned to their posts as well.

"Mr. Chekov, what is the status of—" Kirk began, but got no further, for the lights on the bridge had suddenly faded to black.

After a moment, they flickered on again, dimmer this time.

"Auxiliary power coming online, sir," Chekov announced from his station.

"Mr. Scott, report," Kirk demanded, turning to the engineering station.

"Several main power conduits are malfunctioning," Scotty informed him. "I'm attempting to bypass, but so far, nothing's worked."

"Scotty, I want some answers," Kirk ordered.   
"You, Mr. Spock, and Chekov: report to the briefing room in half an hour."

Hopefully, they could get to the bottom of these mysterious malfunctions before anything serious happened.


	12. Chapter 12

"Scotty, I want to know what's happening to my ship," Kirk demanded.

The bridge crew had all assembled in the briefing room again. Kirk had just about had it with these disruptions; they were beginning to interfere with the normal operations of the ship. As a result, he was responding in his usual dynamic manner; when James T. Kirk wanted something done, he wanted it done right and he wanted it done _yesterday._ The bridge crew was attempting to accommodate him—they had been talking for quite some time in the briefing room, but they didn't seem to be getting anywhere.

"Captain, we're doing the best we can," Scotty answered apologetically. "We've checked all the affected systems but we cannae find anything wrong with them."

"Well, there has to be _something_ causing all these malfunctions around here," Kirk grumbled.

"Perhaps the ship is haunted," Chekov suggested with a grin.

"That is illogical, Ensign," Spock replied.   
"Errors of this magnitude do not occur without reason."

"I was making a little joke, sir," Chekov explained, slightly irritated.

"Extremely little, Ensign," Spock told him, face straight as ever.

"Gentlemen," Kirk interrupted. "We have to act before... whatever it is reaches our critical systems."

"Aye," Scotty agreed. "If we have another main power failure, I cannae guarantee that we'll get the backups on in time."

"All right, we're going to search until we find the cause of these problems," Kirk announced.  
"There will be round the clock investigation of every system on this ship. Better to bite the bullet now rather than risk a life support failure later."

"'Bite the bullet,' Captain?" Spock asked from beside him, frowning.

"It's an old Earth saying, Mr. Spock," Kirk replied shortly. "It means 'get it over with.'"

"I know this saying. It was invented in Russia," Checkov announced.

Everyone stared at him incredulously. Chekov hid an amused grin.

"Coordinate with your departments," Kirk said finally. "Nothing will be overlooked." He stood up from the table.

"You have your orders."

\-------------------------------------------------------

After a full day of searching, the crew had yet to find the cause of the malfunctions. Despite examining each system one by one, there seemed to be no reason for any problems at all. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy were walking down the corridor together, having finally decided to retire for the night. They were all weary from the day's activities and eager to return to their beds.

"Everybody's been working themselves to exhaustion," McCoy was complaining. "It won't do any good if you all collapse at your posts."

"Doctor, the situation is extremely urgent," Spock replied. "Since we have not been able to find the source of the malfunctions, we therefore must assume that an external force is acting upon this ship. Such a phenomenon could pose a threat to everyone on board."

"But we don't know that, now, do we, Spock," McCoy persisted. "Damn computers. It could be a loose screw for all we know."

"Doctor, the probability of a single loose screw producing such comprehensive errors is 2,228.7 million to 1," the Vulcan declared.

"I was just trying to make conversation, Spock," McCoy countered.

"It would be most interesting to impress your memory engrams on a computer, Doctor. The resulting torrential flood of illogic would be almost as perilous as the current system failures."

Kirk laughed slightly. Bones frowned, looking away in a huff.

"Well, I hate to use the word, but logically, Mr. Spock has a point," Kirk remarked. "Whatever's out there might be dangerous, and we could easily find ourselves in a lot of trouble."

Having reached sickbay, the trio stopped outside the corridor.

"Well, at any rate, you both better rest now while you can," McCoy grumbled. "Making my job even harder than it already is," he muttered as he turned and disappeared through the sickbay doors.

Spock raised an eyebrow at Kirk—who merely shook his head, a tired smile on his face. Then they resumed walking down the hallway in the direction of the Captain's quarters. When they arrived, Kirk stopped awkwardly in front of the door. For some reason, the thought of saying goodbye to Spock seemed very unappealing. They had only really been together for about 3 full days and already Kirk couldn't bear to part with him. Spock seemed to share his hesitation.

"Well, um..." Kirk started, unsure of how to phrase his request. "Spock?" he asked.

"Yes, Captain?" Spock replied.

"Would you care to... stay in my quarters tonight?" Kirk winced internally.

The Vulcan's features brightened a little, imperceptible to anyone except James T. Kirk. After a moment, though, Spock's face fell.

"Captain, what if someone were to discover me here, or realize that I am not in my own quarters?"

"Nonsense, Spock; no one will know," Kirk said reassuringly, ushering him into the room.

Spock reluctantly followed, but relaxed somewhat after the door slid shut behind them.

Kirk noticed his reaction and smiled, reaching a hand around Spock's waist. The Vulcan leaned into the touch slightly, a smile stretching across his features.

Then Kirk leaned in toward Spock, eager to be closer to him. Spock leaned forward as well, and their lips brushed in a small kiss. Kirk smiled as they kissed again, pure bliss spreading from his chest to the tips of his toes.

When they finally broke apart, Kirk noticed Spock had on one of his rare, genuine smiles—the kind he allowed only the Captain to see. Kirk could not remember the last time he was so happy.

"You're not often this relaxed," Kirk remarked. "It's nice to see you let your guard down a little."

Spock responded by reaching for Kirk's wrist and slowly raising it between them. He used his free hand to curl the Captain's fingers into a fist, leaving his middle and index finger outstretched.

Kirk watched with curiosity as Spock mirrored the movement with his own hand and touched their fingers together.

Kirk shivered at the odd contact, yet found it surprisingly enjoyable as well. His pleasure suddenly increased as Spock slowly began tracing Kirk's fingers with his own. It seemed to sharpen and strengthen their bond, flashes of emotion passing between them.

"What does it mean?" Kirk whispered quietly.

"It is a Vulcan kiss," Spock replied.

Kirk gazed in wonder at their fingers. "Is that why I can sense some of your emotions?" he asked. 

Spock paused a moment before answering. "In general, Vulcans are much more sensitive to touch than humans. Physical contact strengthens our telepathic bond, which allows thoughts to be shared. That is why Vulcans who are not romantically involved often avoid touching one another other. Information is accidentally transferred between them. As my... bond mate, this effect is only intensified," Spock explained softly.

Kirk looked up at the Vulcan in awe. The fact that Spock was willingly sharing this part of himself with Kirk—a part that no one else had ever seen—left him speechless.

Spock sensed the change in his emotions and frowned, worried.

"If it is unpleasant, I'll-" Spock began.

"No," Kirk interrupted. He smiled, drawing Spock closer. "It's more than pleasant," he murmured, before pressing his lips to Spock's again.

Leaving their hands touching in the Vulcan kiss, Kirk and Spock fit their bodies together, like two halves of a perfect whole. They closed their eyes as their minds merged, delighting in the feel of each other's thoughts against their own.

As they finally parted, Kirk suddenly yawned, overcome with exhaustion.

"You need to rest, Jim," Spock stated, guiding Kirk over to the bed. After an initial protest, Kirk eventually gave in, realizing how tired he was.

Spock climbed in first, then Kirk climbed in beside him. He gently laid his head on Spock's chest. After only a few moments, the rhythmic rise and fall of the Vulcan's breaths succeeded in lulling Kirk to sleep.

The last thing he remembered before the weariness took him was Spock's face gazing down on him lovingly from above.


	13. Chapter 13

The next day turned out to be as uneventful as the previous one. Kirk and the crew continued checking each system, but nothing seemed to be turning up. Fortunately, there weren't any major malfunctions—just a few reports of stubborn doors and weird replicator behavior. When the day was nearing its end, Kirk consulted with Spock and decided to call off the search until they had more information, or something more serious happened.

As a result, the following days continued to lack excitement; the Enterprise was now on a delivery mission transporting some medical supplies to a deep space colony on Altair VI. The system was still many days away, so the crew found themselves with plenty of free time to relax. Furthermore, the malfunctions had decreased somewhat, with only one or two occurrences a day. Since they had so far been trivial matters—and since previous attempts to find the errors had failed—Kirk decided to assign only a small team to work on the issue.

Regarding Kirk and Spock's relationship, things had been moving along quite nicely. Spock had begun to spend more time in Kirk's quarters than his own—a fact that McCoy never failed to bring up. He seemed to think the pair of them were hilarious, but deep down, McCoy knew he was happy for them.

On this particular afternoon, Kirk, Spock, and McCoy had just finished their duty shifts and were walking down the corridor together. Their uneventful mission had finally given them time to relax, and all three men were looking forward to a good meal.

When they arrived at one of the rec rooms, Kirk, Spock, and McCoy moved toward the replicators to order their food. McCoy went first, then joined Scotty and Sulu at a table in the corner.

"Mmmm. I'm so hungry," Kirk commented to Spock. "I can't wait to eat a big, juicy cheeseburger."

"Jim, you would be wise to select a more nourishing meal," Spock told him. "The events of last week have put you under high levels of stress, and your body is undoubtedly suffering as a result."

"Oh, come on, Spock," Kirk replied. "I'm fine. It's not going to kill me."

"You must eat food that will nourish you properly," Spock insisted.

Kirk sighed and turned toward Spock, opening his mouth to protest further. However, after seeing the look on Spock's face, Kirk's words suddenly died in his throat.

Spock's eyes were full of caring concern, while the rest of his expression remained as impassive as ever. Kirk knew Spock better than most, though, and could tell when he was being truly sincere.

"Oh, all right," Kirk grumbled, turning back to the replicator.

Spock's face softened a little. After Kirk's food was finished being prepared, he followed the Captain to a table in the corner. As they sat down, Scotty, Sulu, and McCoy halted their conversation to greet them.

"Is that a _salad_ you're eating?" McCoy asked suddenly, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

"Yes, Bones, I can decide to be healthy once in a while you know," Kirk declared.

Ignoring him, McCoy immediately turned toward Spock. "How did you do it? What is your secret?" he asked incredulously, leaning forward slightly in his chair. 

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I merely made a suggestion to the Captain about which option would provide him with the greatest amount of nourishment," he replied.

McCoy leaned back again, a knowing smirk on his face. "Well, I've given him plenty of advice and he never seems to want to listen to _me_ ," McCoy nodded his head toward the Captain.   
"Whatever Vulcan trick you used, it must have been one hell of a suggestion," he added, looking smug.

"I find your argument strewn with gaping defects in logic," Spock replied flatly.

The others watched the exchange, chuckling in amusement.

As they slowly returned to eating their meals, Uhura moved toward a chair near the center of the room. She was carrying a delicate-looking stringed instrument which Spock recognized as a Vulcan lute. As Uhura settled down and prepared to play, the room slowly quieted in anticipation. Her voice began softly, accompanied by delicate notes from the lute as she performed a beautiful, haunting love song that stirred up feelings of loneliness, vast distances, and poignant memories.

[ **Author's note** : Now would be a good time to start the song "Beyond Antares" from the TOS soundtrack, found in the episode Conscience of the King]

"The skies are green and glowing. Where my heart is.   
Where my heart is.   
Where the scented lunar flower's growing.   
Somewhere beyond the stars, beyond Antares.   
I'll be back, though it takes forever. Forever is just a day.   
Forever is just another journey. Tomorrow a stop along the way. And let the years go fading,   
where my heart is.   
Where my heart is.   
Where my love eternal is waiting —  
somewhere beyond the stars, beyond Antares."

The soft notes floated pleasantly around the room and eventually faded with Uhura's voice as she reached the final line. After a moment, everyone in the rec room gave an appreciative round of applause, Uhura bowing gracefully before returning to her place at the table. Kirk smiled fondly, turning to share an affectionate glance with his bond-mate beside him. Spock gave the barest hint of a smile in reply, letting Kirk know that he had also enjoyed the stirring performance. 

As the conversation drifted to other matters, Spock found it curiously difficult to concentrate on what his crew mates were saying. They were mostly discussing the malfunctions and the activities of various members of the crew. Spock had found that humans usually spend a lot of their time talking about frivolous topics and events. As a result, he was struggling to keep his attention from straying toward the Captain beside him.

Kirk sensed Spock's disinterest, so he lifted his hand and gently rested it on top of Spock's under the table. The Vulcan froze for a few seconds, but then relaxed and allowed the Captain to slip his hand into Spock's own. It was unlikely that anyone would notice, he reasoned.

Kirk sent Spock a wave of adoration through their bond, causing him to blush slightly. The Vulcan sent his own affections back, and was rewarded by the soft stroke of Kirk's fingers against his in a Vulcan kiss.

_Thank you._

Kirk jumped slightly. Spock's voice hadn't come from beside him; it was in his mind.

 _Spock?_ he thought tentatively, unsure if the Vulcan would be able to hear him.

 _Yes, Jim. I am here,_ he replied.  
 _I am sorry I did not warn you before initiating telepathic contact. I hope you were not overly alarmed._

 _No, Spock, it's alright._ Kirk relaxed a little.  
 _Can you speak telepathically with anyone?_ he asked.

 _This form of communication is only possible with one's T'hy'la,_ he replied. Sensing Kirk's question, he added, _That is, someone with whom I have bonded deeply with._

Kirk suddenly felt very lucky to be able to know Spock in such a rare and beautiful way. Kirk sent more of his affectionate feelings over to Spock. The Vulcan blushed again, casing Kirk to chuckle softly. This drew strangle looks from the others, who were unaware of their silence exchange.

Kirk cleared his throat. "Carry on, Mr. Scott," he said, who had been the last one speaking. He then tried (unsuccessfully) to focus on the conversation instead of the Vulcan beside him.

\-------------------------------------------------------

That evening, Spock had once again returned to the Captain's quarters for the night. He found it immensely pleasurable to not have to part with his bond-mate for any significant period of time.

They were both seated on Kirk's bed and the Captain was placing slow kisses down the side of Spock's neck. Spock felt a peculiar warmth swell deep within his chest, blossoming throughout every inch of his body. He hummed with pleasure. It would never fail to amaze him how quickly and deeply his Captain could make him feel.

Kirk reached for Spock's arm and slowly drew his hand up to his face. His eyes met Spock's for a moment, seeking permission. The Vulcan nodded, so Kirk gently kissed his palm, setting the nerves in Spock's sensitive hands racing with fire. The feeling of the Captain's soft lips ghosting over his fingers shook him to his very core. Spock drew in a shaky breath, thoughts churning with the emotions Kirk was sending through their bond. In each and every kiss, Kirk tried as hard as he could to impress upon Spock the depth of his feelings, and the certainty of his love.

"What are you thinking about, Spock?" Kirk asked after a while, gazing up at him.

Spock slowly opened his eyes, pure bliss radiating from every part of his being. "You," he answered simply. "I am having difficulty expressing my feelings as well as you do," he continued after a moment.

Kirk smiled broadly, moved by the honesty of his words. "It's alright, Spock," Kirk reassured him. "I know."

But that was not good enough for Spock. His T'hy'la meant everything to him; the least he could do was make sure the Captain knew it.

So, Spock leaned forward and touched his lips to Kirk's, pouring all of his love and devotion into their bond. He would make Jim Kirk understand. He would kiss it into the smoothness of his skin, he would breathe it into the planes of his body, he would burn it into his very soul. He would brand it upon his heart until there was no doubt remaining, no conceivable hesitation, not one iota of disbelief. 

Spock would keep him safe, he would cherish him, he would always be there for him, and he would never be alone. Until Spock's bones and body are dust and longer, for his mind would transcend the decay of his flesh.

Spock wanted to convince every part of the man in front of him, because he desperately, painfully, blindingly _loved_ every inch of him.

All the time in the world could never be enough to put the emotion that consumed him into words.

And Kirk felt it.

Through the touch of their skin, he could sense all that Spock was, and it was so genuine, so earnest, so sincere, that he felt an ache grasp his heart and squeeze.

But it wasn't painful.

It hurt, but his heart still beat strong and sure in his chest. It was a good pain—a pang, perhaps. And he felt something else settle and solidify there, coiled warm, anchored in his heart.

In the stillness of the night and the silence of the stars beyond, Kirk and Spock lived and loved as one.


	14. Chapter 14

When Spock awoke the next morning, he was pleasantly surprised to find that Kirk was still wrapped in his arms.

Keeping still to avoid waking him, Spock gazed at the sleeping face of his Captain beside him. Kirk's hair was all askew, his breathing was deep and even, and his face was completely relaxed. Spock felt his heart flutter at his side.

Despite the amount of time they had spent together, it really was quite fascinating how Jim Kirk never failed to draw these unusual sensations from his body.

They were very strange indeed—the way his heart sped up when Kirk looked at him, how the blood seemed to rush to his face, and the way his skin tingled when it came into contact with the Captain's.

Suddenly, Kirk stirred in his sleep, shuffling slightly closer to Spock before growing still again. His shirt was now pushed up slightly, exposing a bit of skin on his stomach.

Without really intending to, Spock lifted his arm from the bed and gently touched the exposed area. He marveled at its smoothness, mesmerized by the feeling of Kirk's skin on his sensitive fingers.

Spock glanced back up and was startled to see Kirk's bright eyes staring back at him.

"Forgive me," Spock said, quickly withdrawing his arm. A greenish tinge covered his cheeks.

Kirk reached out and caught Spock's hand in midair. "It's alright," he said softly, an affectionate smile on his face.

He then shifted his fingers into a Vulcan kiss, rubbing them gently against Spock's own.

The Vulcan sighed and closed his eyes, lost in the touch. How very much he wished to lay with his Captain forever, where he did not need to guard his thoughts and mind from anyone.

But alas, the day was passing by, and they had duties to attend to.

"Jim, we must be on the bridge soon," Spock reminded him in a slightly regretful tone.

Kirk leaned forward and gently kissed Spock's face, right on his jawline.

"Yes, I know," he sighed after a moment. He gave Spock one last peck, then sat up in bed, stretching. Spock rose after him, and soon they were ready to start the day.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Later that morning, Kirk received a message on the bridge. It was from McCoy down in sickbay.

Kirk stabbed one of the buttons on his chair. "What is Bones?" he asked, wondering if something was wrong.

"Jim, I'm gonna need to see you down here in sickbay. Your quarterly physical check is long overdue," the Doctor replied.

Kirk glanced over at Spock, annoyed. His first officer simply raised an eyebrow, a slightly sympathetic gleam in his eye.

"Do we really have to do that now?" Kirk asked, always one to resist the Doctor's examinations.

"Unless you have a valid reason to remain on the bridge," McCoy responded, his tone indicating that he knew Kirk didn't.

The Captain sighed. He could just imagine the knowing smirk on McCoy's face. The morning had so far been pretty quiet, so he couldn't really think of an acceptable excuse.

"I'll be down in a minute, Bones," Kirk replied, resigning himself to his fate. He turned back to Spock.

"Seems like I don't have a choice," Kirk shrugged. "Spock, you have the bridge." He then got up from his chair and moved into the turbolift.

When Kirk arrived in sickbay, McCoy was all ready for him. They proceeded with his physical, doing all the necessary checks and tests.

As they were finally finishing up, McCoy suddenly changed the subject of their conversation. "So... how's it going with you and Spock?" he asked, smirking slightly.

Kirk rolled his eyes, accepting the inevitable. "It's going just fine, Bones," he replied in an annoyed tone, but the effect was ruined by the friendly gleam in his eyes.

"Hard to imagine that green-blooded hobgoblin being all warm and cuddly," McCoy said, smiling to show he was joking.

"Yes, well, that's why I'm involved with him and you aren't," Kirk replied, the corners of his mouth twitching up slightly.

"He seems a lot happier these days," McCoy remarked. "I mean, for a Vulcan, of course," he amended.

Kirk chuckled a little. "He does, doesn't he?" Kirk said softly, his eyes glazing over a bit. He smiled a little then, temporarily lost in thought.

McCoy watched him closely, noticing his reaction. "You really love him, don't you," McCoy said after a moment. It was more of a statement than a question, really.

Kirk looked back up at him. "I do," he replied quietly, then blushed and looked away.

At his words, McCoy suddenly felt a small pang of longing. He seriously doubted he would ever have anything like what Kirk and Spock did. As soon as he had the thought, though, it disappeared, replaced only with delight for his friend.

"Well, you know I'm happy for you, Jim," McCoy said sincerely, giving him a warm smile.

"I know, Bones, and thank you," Kirk replied, looking over at him gratefully.

"Well, you're good to go," McCoy announced, setting his pad down on the table beside him.

Kirk got up off the biobed and straightened his uniform. "Thank you, Bones," he said again.  
"Now, I'd better go and make sure nothing exciting's happened while I've been gone," he said in mock seriousness.

McCoy smiled as the Captain turned to leave. "Oh, and Jim?" the Doctor added. "When you get to the bridge, make sure to send Spock down here. He hasn't done his physical yet either."

"Will do, Doctor," Kirk agreed, smiling in amusement.

When Kirk arrived at the bridge again, he discovered that, of course, nothing important had occurred during his absence.

"Mr. Spock," Kirk began as he settled into his chair, "I believe it's your turn to pay the good Doctor a visit."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "For what purpose, Captain?" he asked.

"I believe he said your physical is overdue as well."

Spock considered this for a moment, then—like the Captain—he seemed to accept his predicament.

"Very well," Spock agreed, rising from his station and moving toward the turbolift.

Kirk gave him a sympathetic smile, then returned his attention to the view screen in front of him. 

When Spock arrived in sickbay, McCoy was once again prepared. Spock got onto the biobed and allowed the Doctor to give him a complete physical. Though as the hour dragged by, he found himself growing more and more impatient.

"Doctor, I can assure you, my condition has not changed since my last examination," Spock said as McCoy scanned him for perhaps the fifth time in a row.

"I'm just being thorough," McCoy informed him, hiding a grin. "Besides, is that irritation I hear, Mr. Spock?" he teased.

"I simply do not see the purpose of this exercise. I have other duties to attend to that are of greater importance," Spock explained.

"That's not going to get you out of your physical, Mr. Spock, and you know it," McCoy told him firmly. "Between you and the Captain, it's a wonder I even got you both down here at all. He avoided two appointments that I made for his physical exam without reason."

"That's not at all surprising, Doctor, he's probably terrified of your beads and rattles," Spock retorted, drawing out the last two words. Glaring, he finally swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up.

"Now, wait a minute, Spock," McCoy stopped him, moving to block his way. "I'm almost finished, I promise."

Spock seemed to consider this for a moment, then reluctantly resumed his seat, a slightly annoyed expression on his face.

McCoy resumed his scanning. "So, Spock, how's it going with you and the Captain?" he asked, in much the same way he had earlier with Kirk.

Spock immediately blushed. "I do not know what you are referring to," he replied flatly.

"Oh, come on, Spock," McCoy said. "I know about your relationship with Jim."

For several moments, Spock struggled to come up with an answer. "Did the Captain inform you of this?" he asked finally.

"Well, I sort of figured it out on my own, but he confirmed it, yes," McCoy said smugly. "Don't worry, Spock," he added in a gentler tone. "I won't tell anyone."

Spock's face softened a little. "I would appreciate that, Doctor."

"So, how's it going between you two?" McCoy repeated, eager for Spock's opinion on the matter. 

Spock's expression became confused. He was not certain what the Doctor wanted of him.

"Our relationship is progressing... adequately," he said at last, looking vaguely uncomfortable. "I must return to the bridge now," Spock declared, standing up.

"Alright, well, I suppose I'm finished," McCoy relented, knowing he wasn't going to get much more out of Spock.

As the Vulcan turned to leave, McCoy suddenly stopped him. "Spock, wait."

"Spock, uh..." he began. "I know we've, uh... had our disagreements. Maybe they're jokes, I don't know. But, uh... what I'm trying to say   
is—"

"Doctor, I must return to my post. Will you please be brief?" Spock interrupted him.

"Well, what I'm trying to say is, I'm happy for you," McCoy continued. "If you ever need advice, or... just, someone to talk to... sickbay's always open," he finished with a slightly embarrassed smile.

Spock was silent for a moment, stunned. "Thank you, Doctor," he replied quietly. He looked like he was about to say something else, then quickly turned and left sickbay.

McCoy raised an eyebrow, lips twitching slightly.

Perhaps Spock did have a sensitive side after all.


	15. Chapter 15

"Good morning, Mr. Spock."

"And to you as well, Captain," Spock replied.

Kirk smiled from his chair on the bridge, gazing fondly at his first officer. Spock continued to his station and sat down, beginning a new day aboard the Enterprise. After their brief period of relaxation, the mission was almost completed. Altair VI was now only a few hours away.

"Estimated time to our destination, Mr. Chekov?" Kirk asked.

"3 hours and 27 minutes, sir," Chekov replied.

"Good," Kirk announced, satisfied. "Lt. Uhura, please notify—"

"Captain, we're off course!" Chekov interrupted suddenly.

"Well, get back on course," Kirk stated, wondering what the problem was. 

"That's just it, sir," Chekov explained with a frown. "The ship's taken a new heading all by itself."

"Sulu, can you locate the malfunction? Kirk asked.

Sulu pressed some buttons on his console, then replied, "No sir, the ship is unresponsive."

"Explanation, Spock?" Kirk said, turning in his chair to face him.

"Elusive, Captain, I am investigating," Spock informed him.

"I can't understand it. I simply have no control," Sulu announced in disbelief, continuing his button-pressing.

Kirk frowned, concerned. "Kirk to engineering," he said, pressing one of the buttons on his chair.

"Scott here," came the reply.

"Scotty, we're off course," Kirk declared. "Check out maneuvering controls."

"Aye, sir. Hold," Scotty responded, flipping switches on one of the engineering consoles.

"Captain? No malfunction indicated," Scotty announced after a moment.

"Switch to auxiliary," Kirk decided.

"Aye, Sir," Scotty replied, pressing several more buttons and frowning at the controls in front of him.

"Stand by for check," Kirk responded, turning toward the view screen.

The bridge was silent for several seconds as they waited for the problem to be corrected. However, their direction did not change, and they continued to move away from their destination.

"Scotty, we're still off course," Kirk declared.

"I'll be right up," Scotty replied.

"Speed, Mr. Chekov," Kirk said.

"We're moving at warp 8, sir."

"Lt. Uhura, put the ship on red alert," Kirk ordered. The alarm signal began immediately, red lights flashing on the walls. Kirk pressed a button on his chair.

"All hands, this is the Captain," he announced over the intercom. "The ship is on red alert. Repeat, the ship is on red alert. There has been an unidentified malfunction in the ship's directional control. Repeat, the ship is off course and out of our control."

Having finished delivering his message, Kirk leaned back in his chair again.

"Captain, do you think this could have something to do with the other malfunctions we've been having?" Sulu asked after a moment.

Kirk frowned. The frequency of the other incidents had decreased so much, the crew had begun to think the problem had solved itself. Obviously, that was not the case.

"It seems likely, Mr. Sulu," Kirk agreed.  
"Now, where the devil is Scotty?" he added, looking around.

Kirk narrowed his eyes. He had an odd feeling that something was very, very, wrong, but he couldn't quite figure out why.

"Spock, I'll be in engineering," he decided suddenly, rising to his feet. "You have the conn."

Then, before Spock even had a chance to move, Kirk strode into the turbolift and was gone. 

A few moments later, Kirk arrived in engineering. Expecting to see Scotty and the other engineers usually at work during this time, he was startled to find it completely empty.

"Scotty?" he called, glancing around at the unoccupied consoles.

"Scotty!" Kirk repeated, walking around in disbelief. What the hell was going on here??

"He can't hear you," a voice suddenly announced.

A chill crept down Kirk's spine. He knew that sound. That sinister, evil voice could belong to only one creature.

"Asmodeus," Kirk growled, his eyes darting around in an attempt to discover where he was hiding.

"Quite correct, Captain," Asmodeus replied.

"What have you done to my ship?" Kirk demanded, turning in a circle. He was still unable to figure out where Asmodeus was hiding.

"Patience, Captain," the creature admonished.  
"There will be time enough for that later. Now you are going to discover what happens to those who refuse me." At the last sentence, a note of menace crept into his voice, like a blade sliding out from its sheath.

"Refuse you?" Kirk asked, trying to buy himself some time.

"Yes, Captain. You should have surrendered when you had the chance," Asmodeus sneered.  
"Under my command, your crew would have been treated fairly, with the utmost respect." 

Kirk raised an eyebrow, the only indication that he had heard Asmodeus at all. Kirk had no doubt whatsoever that his crew would have suffered extensively had Asmodeus gotten his way.

"I know that you do not believe me," the creature continued. "But it is no matter. Soon, your ship will be destroyed, and your entire crew will be dead." The creature's voice oozed with malice. He laughed then—a deep, menacing sound, filled with a demonic confidence.

Kirk narrowed his eyes, moving farther into the room. This creature was going to have to work a lot harder if he wanted to scare him. All Kirk had to do was find where he was hiding and prevent him from carrying out his plan.

Back on the bridge, the rest of the crew was still trying to determine what went wrong.

"Reroute maneuvering controls through the secondary circuits, Mr. Sulu," Spock was saying.

Suddenly, the turbolift doors slid open to allow Scotty onto the bridge. He moved over to his station and sat down, quickly pressing several buttons on the console.

"I'll have a report for you in just a minute, Mr. Spock," Scotty informed him. "There must be a malfunction in the auxiliary controls."

"Mr. Scott," Spock began, a slightly puzzled expression on his face. "Did you not see the Captain on your way to the bridge?"

"No, Mr. Spock, I cannae say I did," Scotty replied.

"He was on his way to engineering only a few moments ago," the Vulcan explained. "Curious that he would—" Spock stopped.

He had felt something just then, through his telepathic bond with Kirk. It was a very strange feeling; it gave him a sense of urgency and anticipation, coiling into a tangled knot of dread in his stomach. Spock instantly knew what it meant. The Captain was in grave danger.

"Mr. Scott, please take the conn," Spock said, already standing up.

"Aye, sir, but where—" Scotty began, but that was all Spock heard before the turbolift doors closed behind him.

When Spock finally arrived in engineering, he, too, was surprised to find it empty.

"Captain?" he called into the silence. "Jim!" he tried again, moving forward into the room. But the only thing Spock heard was his own breathing; even the engines seemed to have quieted down.

Suddenly, there was movement behind one of the engineering consoles. Before Spock even had a chance to open his mouth, Kirk appeared before him. Except it wasn't just Kirk. Asmodeus was right behind, a powerful arm locked around the Captain's neck. The creature's face—like always—was hidden in shadow.

"Security," Kirk managed to force out, before Asmodeus tightened his grip even further, almost completely cutting off his airway.

Spock took a step forward in alarm, ready to spring to the Captain's aid. At that moment, however, Kirk struck Asmodeus in the chest with an elbow, wrenching himself free as the arm loosened around his neck.

Spock stopped, torn between calling for help and assisting the Captain. Since Kirk seemed to have escaped harm for the moment, the logical thing to do was notify security as soon as possible.

Spock stepped over to the intercom on the wall.   
"Security to engineering," he said quickly, then turned to assist the Captain.

He saw that Asmodeus now had a knife—a long, curved dagger which looked more like a claw than a blade. Kirk was struggling against him, using his bare hands to deflect the blows.

Spock immediately joined the fray, striking Asmodeus on the right shoulder. The creature growled and turned, slamming his foot into Spock's side with unnatural speed. Spock quickly recovered, realizing that Asmodeus must be many times faster and stronger than any humanoid creature they had encountered before.

Kirk and Spock began to advance. Together, they attacked Asmodeus, looking for any sign of weakness.

They fought in this way for several minutes, but neither side seemed to be gaining the upper hand. Asmodeus was physically superior, but Kirk and Spock had each other to rely on, making it difficult to harm them.

As Asmodeus jabbed forward with his dagger, Kirk caught his arm and—with a burst of strength—managed to throw the creature over his shoulder. Asmodeus landed behind them, but before Kirk and Spock could take advantage of the situation, the creature was already back on his feet.

They turned to meet him, but before they had moved more than an inch, Asmodeus suddenly clapped his hands.

The lights instantly dimmed to nothing, and a cold presence seemed to fill the room. Dark tendrils of ghostly smoke sprung from the floor, weaving through the half-light and surrounding Kirk and Spock in their depths. Time seemed to slow—their thoughts became sluggish. Spock tried to call out, but his mouth would not move. He couldn't seem to focus on anything, and his vision was fading rapidly. He experienced a sensation of falling and then—just as suddenly as it began—the disorientation was gone.

Spock opened his eyes, but immediately shut them again as a bright light stabbed into his pupils. When he finally raised his eyelids, he found himself sitting on the floor in engineering.

Spock blinked, adjusting to his surroundings. He turned his head and saw the Captain a little ways away—also on the floor and just beginning to stir. Spock tried to get up, but his arms would not move. After several more seconds, he realized that his hands were being held together behind him, fastened to something he couldn't see.

"Ah, you're awake."

Spock's eyes snapped up to find Asmodeus standing before him. To his right, Kirk was now also awake, glaring at the dark figure above.

"Struggling is useless, Mr. Spock," Asmodeus spoke again. "There is nothing you can do to stop me." He gave them both a satisfied smirk, etched across his face in wicked triumph.

"I demand that you release us and my ship immediately," Kirk declared, refusing to be discouraged.

"I'm afraid that won't be possible, Captain," Asmodeus continued. "You see, I have brought you here to witness the destruction of the Enterprise," he said grinning evilly. "But before we get to all of that, I will have the satisfaction of watching you die, James T. Kirk."

A thrill of fear shot through Spock. Asmodeus was obviously capable of carrying out his threat, and Spock was helpless to stop him. Suddenly, Kirk turned and locked eyes with Spock. He could clearly read the message there: _You have to save the ship._

Kirk turned back toward Asmodeus, a calm determination on his face. Spock surreptitiously began twisting his wrists, attempting to free himself from his bonds.

"You have courage, Captain," Asmodeus observed. "Unfortunately, it will do you no good. You will die, and soon, your entire crew will follow. Farewell, James T. Kirk," the creature finished, his face filled with a savage delight.

Asmodeus then began drawing his arm back in preparation to throw his dagger. Spock redoubled his efforts to escape, and—at the last second—finally managed to wrench his hands free. Then, using every ounce of strength available to him, Spock flung himself in front of Kirk in a desperate attempt to save the Captain's life. Kirk's eyes opened wide—he meant to shout, but the sound got lodged in his throat.

Spock landed heavily on the ground in front of him, face turned up toward the ceiling. And there—gleaming harshly in the dim light—was Asmodeus' dagger, buried hilt-deep in the middle of Spock's chest.


	16. Chapter 16

Kirk's vision swam.

The world seemed to be tilting and unraveling beneath him, layers of reality peeling apart as Kirk's head throbbed within his skull. He could not process what his eyes had just seen—Spock was mortally wounded and the creature responsible was about to destroy his ship.

Images and voices begun to overlap in his consciousness. Chekov yelling that they were off course, alarms blaring as the ship went to red alert, Asmodeous snarling as his shadow creatures descended, Spock's broken body crashing onto the dungeon floor, his own voice echoing through engineering, holding Spock's injured head in his hands, his throat constricting as he tried to speak the words he could not say....

Somewhere in the dim cacophony of his mind, Kirk heard Asmodeus laughing—a deep, chilling sound that filled his heart with fear and settled into his bones like lead.

 _Is this how it ends?_ hethought to himself. The idea of accepting his defeat, having failed not only Spock but everyone on board the Enterprise struck Kirk even more profoundly than Asmodeus and his mind-numbing glee.

"You have lost, Captain Kirk!" Asmodeus triumphantly exclaimed. "Now there is nothing you can do to stop me!"

Kirk looked up at him through a haze of grief, anger and determination. In that moment, there was nothing he wanted more than to eradicate Asmodeus from existence, to banish this abomination that was toying with him and threatening every single person on the ship.

"And now, for the destruction of the Enterprise. Do pay attention, my dear Captain, for this is what your disobedience has wrought."

Asmodeus turned with a dramatic flair, eyes burning pits of evil. He drew his arms back until the room seemed to dim around his hands, as if he was sucking up all the light and energy in the universe. Kirk's vision began to shudder, his lungs screeching to a halt and his ears and throat closing in on themselves when suddenly–

An unearthly howl split Kirk's reality in two. His eyes snapped back into focus just in time to see something small and thin sprout from Asmodeus' chest. Kirk barely had time to register that it was Asmodeus' own dagger before the creature suddenly began to hiss and twitch, expanding into a ghastly cloud of smoke before vanishing with one, final, nightmarish scream.

As the air cleared and the room returned to normal, Spock was revealed in the same spot Asmodeus stood moments ago. Kirk's eyes widened as he realized what happened: Spock had removed Asmodeus' knife from himself and managed to stab the creature with it from behind. Before Kirk even had time to react, Spock suddenly lurched forward, falling roughly to the ground in front of him. Kirk watched in mounting horror as the Vulcan forced in a rattling breath, Spock turning to look deep into the Captain's eyes.   
  


[ **Author's Note** : If you want some extra feels, now would be a good time to start the song Buying the Space Farm from the Into Darkness soundtrack 😉 — though watch out for the bit at the end bc it kinda ruins the mood lol]

[ **Author's Note Part 2** : Labor Of Love from the 2009 soundtrack also works]  
  


"Spock..." Kirk whispered brokenly, tugging his wrists against his bonds once more. They still refused to budge, leaving Kirk powerless to do anything as his bond-mate faded before him.

"Ship... out of danger?" Spock rasped questioningly.

"Yes." It was all Kirk could do to reply as the tides of panic and anguish built within him.

"Don't grieve, Jim. It is logical. The needs of the many outweigh—" Spock squeezed his eyes shut in pain, unable to continue. Though he did not want to, Kirk could not stop himself from finishing his statement.

"The needs of the few," he choked out, disbelief and terror threatening to overwhelm him.

"Or the one," Spock nodded. They locked eyes with one another. Although they were unable to touch, Spock could still feel the sensation of Kirk's mind against his own—the Captain's emotions a raging torrent of grief, regret, despair. Kirk felt Spock's steady determination, his calm acceptance—and though it should have brought him comfort, it only served to heighten his anguish as Kirk began to feel the bond slipping away.

Kirk was unsure if Spock was referring to himself or to Kirk as the one who was making the sacrifice. _Perhaps_ , he thought, _it is one and the same. Perhaps it always was._

"Spock..." Kirk's eyes filled with tears; he had no words for the things that he was feeling, the things he had to say, the things that he could not. All the unspoken promises burned like fire across his tongue. How could be possibly hope to convey the meaning of the one who embodied his entire existence? How could he tell Spock that he was all that made him whole, he was everything good in this universe, he was the only thing he ever truly needed, he was bright and soft and gentle and oh so beautiful and delicate and Kirk could not imagine a world without Spock in it. He could not fathom the loss of one so good and pure. Even now, with his dying breath, Spock's only thought was for Kirk—to comfort him and attempt to express his affection and gratitude.

With effort, the Vulcan's eyes drifted back up to Kirk's. They both knew they had reached the end. Spock drew one final breath, then said,

"I have been, and always shall be..."

And the light went out.

It was instantaneous.

And it lasted for eternity.

Spock was there. And then he was not.

Kirk stared in utter disbelief for several seconds, unable to process what just happened.

A tear made its way down his cheek, falling onto the ground below. Kirk heard the sound as it hit the floor—unnaturally loud in the harsh, ugly silence that remained.

Where Kirk had once found comfort and peace, his mind was now a dark, empty abyss—completely devoid of all feeling and life. The emptiness washed over him like an avalanche, smothering him under an unbearable weight and seizing up his throat and lungs. The effort of drawing in another breath became more than he could bear; Kirk wondered if he should even try.

All the words and time in the universe could not have described that single moment. The world seemed to grind to a halt as Kirk slipped into a dark, endless void, the great maw of eternity waiting as he surrendered to its depths.

Kirk's last thought was of how unfair it all   
was, then suddenly, a great wave of agony descended upon him and time and memory ceased.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I JUST PULLED A DOOMSDAY* ON YALL LMAOOOOOO  
> *from Doctor Who
> 
> -Sorry guys I mean you knew the Wrath of Khan scene was coming oops


	17. Chapter 17

He awoke in sickbay.

Kirk looked around him in confusion. The biobeds were all neatly made, the machines were beeping calmly and steadily in the background. The room was empty and everything seemed normal.

The memories returned all at once. Without sense or order, flashes of images and sounds and feelings thundered into his mind in an unwelcome cavalcade that was nearly physical in its intensity.

Kirk gasped and shot upright in bed, the machines flaring wildly to life. He felt as though his heart rate had leaped to approximately warp 4.

There was a noise somewhere in another room, then McCoy appeared before him.

"Jim, thank god!" the Doctor exclaimed.

Kirk's eyes moved frantically around the room, his breaths becoming more and more panicked as waves of pain and confusion assaulted him.

"Whoa, Jim, it's alright, you're fine," Bones hurried to reassure him.

The Doctor's words did nothing to alleviate his condition. Kirk squeezed his eyes shut, feeling as though he was being stabbed over and over again. Agonizing, thought-destroying pain wracked his mind and body, the likes of which he had never experienced before. He could not move. He could not breathe. All he could do was exist as the shattering pain ate its way through him.

An undetermined amount of time passed. Little by little, the pain began to lose its debilitating effects. Finally, Kirk opened his eyes. His mind was throbbing and his body ached and shuddered from the abuse it had just endured.

"Jim? Jim, tell me, how do you feel?" McCoy asked worriedly from his side.

Kirk turned and saw the Doctor before him, dangling a tricorder over his forehead. Kirk struggled for a moment, then finally managed to sit up.

"Better." He grimaced at the effort of speaking.   
"What happened, Bones?"

"Well, according to my scans, there's nothing physically wrong with you. However, certain areas of your brain are under an enormous amount of pain and stress. You had a panic attack when you woke up the first time so I had to knock you out for a while," McCoy told him gently.

Kirk was hardly listening.

"What about—about the ship? And Asmodeus? And..." his voice faltered, breaking. "And Spock?" he forced out, chest flooding with icy fear.

"The ship is fine; Scotty already has repairs underway. That Asmodeus character seems to have disappeared," McCoy grunted. "It's likely that Spock got rid of him for good," he added gently, a noticeable tightness in his voice and a depth of emotion reflected in his eyes.

McCoy paused for a moment, then—with difficulty—he continued. "Spock suffered major blood loss from the stab wound in his chest. He... he didn't make it. We found you in engineering next to him; you were suffering from severe mental trauma and your body was going into shock."

Kirk couldn't hear anything past the roaring in his ears.

"Jim, I don't know how they do things on Vulcan, but I do know they have some pretty strange customs regarding... intimate relationships," Bones pressed on. His voice softened. "Since I'm your doctor and I care about you, I have to ask. What happened to you, Jim? Is there some kind of Vulcan ritual I don't know about? The brain is a delicate thing and I can't treat you unless I know what's wrong."

Kirk shoved his hands into his temples, trying to clear the lingering migraine as he attempted to bring his thoughts to order.

"We... We were bonded," Kirk finally forced out, squeezing his eyes shut and taking a deep, shuddering breath. "Spock... explained it to me, once. I don't.... I don't know all the details but he said it was like... the joining of two souls," Kirk managed to tell him.

"I used to be able to... to sense him. He could communicate with me, sometimes. Telepathically, I mean. But now, all I feel is... emptiness.... silence... and pain."

Kirk squeezed his eyes shut again, pressing his lips together before he said too much, before the grief made him lose control.

McCoy listened attentively to the Captain's words, his gaze filled with sincerity and gentleness. He reached out and placed a hand on Kirk's arm.

"Jim, I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. Whatever this bond was, it probably wasn't meant to be severed so abruptly. A loss like this would be difficult for anyone, but your brain has undergone a severe shock. The pain is probably a side effect of having to re-adapt to a new psychological condition. I'd say you need time to recover and adjust. I'm going to put you on some medication that should help with the pain and ease your symptoms. I'm also prescribing a few days of rest in your quarters. Vulcan rituals always seems to wreak havoc on the nervous system. I can't say whether the effects will be permanent, but I will do everything I can to make sure you recover. I'm going to help you through this, Jim, you can bet your life on that."

Kirk turned to look at his friend, eyes filled with gratitude.

"Thank you, Bones. I don't know what I'd do without you," he said softly.

The corner of McCoy's mouth lifted slightly, his expression warm but his eyes tinged with a deep sadness.

"I'm going to give you a monitor so I can keep track of your brain activity, just in case," McCoy told him, moving off to gather some equipment. "I'll tell the crew you were injured and you're not to be disturbed while you're recovering. We're still a ways out from the next mission so it should be perfectly fine for Scotty to take temporary command in the meantime."

As McCoy returned with his supplies, Kirk silently nodded in agreement. The movement caused a sharp flare of pain behind his left eye. He winced, sucking in a breath. While Kirk hated relinquishing his command for any reason, he fully agreed that he was in no fit state to look after his crew. All he wanted right now was the blissful release of unconsciousness.

"The painkillers are probably wearing off by now. Once we get to your quarters, I can give you something to help you sleep," McCoy told him sympathetically. After attaching the monitor, he helped Kirk to his feet, making sure he was fully capable of walking on his own before finally releasing his grip from the Captain's shoulder.

The walk to Kirk's quarters was uneventful as most of the crew were still busy with repairs. Upon reaching his room, Kirk sank down onto the bed, exhaustion finally setting in.

"I'll come by and check on you tomorrow. In the meantime, here are some pills to help you sleep and doesn't hesitate to contact me any time if you need anything."

McCoy placed a bottle on the table next to Kirk's bed. The Captain nodded woozily, then all but fell onto the pillow. The last thing he remembered before drifting off into darkness was the feeling of McCoy carefully tucking the blanket around him, his normally grumpy face hovering over him with nothing but care and concern in his eyes as Kirk finally relaxed into slumber.

————————————————————————

Kirk abruptly regained awareness, his gaze flying through the room as he again tried to remember what happened. He had no idea what time it was or how long he had been asleep. After raising himself into a sitting position, the crashing realization hit him once more.

He doubled over, gasping in agony. The pain was back—the blinding, heart-wrenching pain that consumed his very being, as if his soul itself was deserting him, slowly pooling into a void that tore it to pieces. Something was missing, something important, something _vital_.

The bond was severed, leaving only sharp, jagged remains which stabbed into his heart with every beat. They tore at his lungs with every breath and ripped through his mind with every thought. The numbing pain continued as the vestiges of a torn link kept trying to rejoin with its counterpart—no matter that it was impossible, no matter that all it would find was a dark, sickening abyss.

His Vulcan wasn't coming back, and now the silence was like a cage, filled with all the words that could no longer be shared, trapping him and pressing him against the stifling emptiness, crushing down on his lungs until he couldn't speak, couldn't _breathe_ because there was no one to hear him, no one left to share in his grief.

McCoy stopped by a little later to check in. Kirk struggled to avoid snapping at his friend, giving only mono-syllable answers in response to his queries. It pained the Doctor to see him like this—his friend's aching heart so battered and sore, the grief McCoy felt as he, too, had to come to terms with Spock's death, his inability to reach perhaps the only other person who could fully understand their loss.

Kirk knew he was being selfish, but there was no way to explain, no way that the Doctor could possibly fix or even understand the damage that had been done. How could anyone else begin to fathom how precious Spock had   
been— _and would be always_ , Kirk ferociously reminded himself.

Where was his light? Where were the soft, ever-present buzz of emotions and thoughts that used to rest in the back of his mind, the comforting pull of Spock's warmth and reassurance guiding and centering his entire being? He had grown accustomed to this mental feedback; it was as familiar to him as the constant humming and whirring of the Enterprise itself. Harmonious impressions, thoughts that were not his own, conversations he would perceive with his mind instead of his ears. It had brought him contentment and pleasure and solace. He had incorporated the Vulcan into himself so completely that he had no longer been able to distinguish whose thoughts were whose or where a certain idea had originated. Spock had quite literally become a part of his identity, his thought process, his way of life. The loss of something so utterly vital left him empty in a way he could not ever hope to describe. Though Kirk had only been bonded with Spock for a short time, he had completely forgotten what it was like to live without his presence. Everything became alien to him; the way he felt, the way he thought, the way he perceived the world. He had lost a part of himself and his existence had been irrevocably altered because of it. He no longer knew who he was—and it frightened him to death.

As the days went by, Kirk shut himself in his quarters and grieved. He grieved for the loss of such a bright, promising soul, for Spock's bravery and stubbornness, his undying loyalty and commitment to duty, his rare, genuine smiles and his logic that grounded him time and time again, for the way Spock was—flawed and beautiful and unafraid, for all the galaxies they would never see, for the way it would never be again—

The silence was unbearable. The loneliness was crushing. It was as if he had lived his entire life in a world of sunshine and brilliant blue,   
then—in an instant—the universe had winked into dark. Within his mind, there was only blackness—oozing, sickly, dripping, edging closer, pure and full, and there was no light in it at all. Not a single shining star to bring the promise of hope. All swallowed, drowning in the darkness.

Extinguished.

Kirk squeezed his eyes tighter, curling in on himself. But for all he dug his fingers into his arms and tucked himself up to his chin—wrapping himself over and around as far as his skin would stretch—it still came. The emptiness surrounded him, wedging itself into the cracks in his defenses, poisonous and cruel and unrelenting.

Get up.

Kirk squeezed his eyes tighter, pulled his skin closer, and shoved back the all-consuming depths, the nightmares tugging at his fingertips.

Get up.

Breathing did not work. He wished with all his   
might that he could just meditate his emotions away, that he could control his mind and his body and his breathing just by the power of thought, as his Vulcan once could. The memories stung against the back of his eyes, the nightmares refusing to stay within the confines of his dreams.

Get up.

Curled on the floor, he reached above him. Vision dim and flickering, heart heavy and sick, Kirk extended a hand.

And the Doctor was there to take it.

As the sobs wracked his body, Kirk's mind forever calling out into an endless void, the pain of loneliness and isolation and gone, gone, gone, never coming back—Kirk found that the Doctor was always there to hold him, if not to understand his pain but at least to witness it, to provide some sense of meaning to the endless grief and agony that consumed him.

But even as the Doctor offered his comfort, drawing upon their shared sorrow and friendship, Kirk knew that he would not— _could not_ ever truly comprehend the possibilities of a Vulcan mating bond. He did not know of the joys and pleasures, of the complete trust and understanding and _surrender_ of one's entire being into a shared light, a shared bond, a shared love. He did not know the pain of living without a part of himself, to be forced to go on despite the irreparable loss that filled his soul—a loss that _he_ was responsible for. How could Kirk even begin to make amends, to atone for his failure in protecting all that he and Spock once shared?

McCoy had told him over and over that it wasn't his fault, he wasn't to blame, there was nothing more that he could have done. But of course it was his fault. That was the job of a starship captain. To take responsibility for all the lives, all the actions, and all the failures of those under his command. Including his own. _Especially_ his own. And so Kirk carried the guilt on his shoulders, the weight of it heavy and draining and real—the only thing he had left to fill the darkness. There was no being, no power in the universe the could have reached him—for if there are self-made purgatories, then Kirk was forced to live in his.

No matter how many times the Doctor tried to console him, Captain Kirk would not be   
moved—refusing to accept anything beyond the void that had entered his heart. And yet, McCoy never once showed signs of defeat—forcing Kirk to take his medication, to rest, to eat, coaxing the Captain through his breathing and his grief as he tried to return at least one of his friends back to the land of the living.

On the 5th morning since Kirk woke up in sickbay, McCoy convinced him to leave his quarters. It was more an attempt to escape his own self-pity than to acquiesce to the Doctor's method of treatment.

As Kirk put on a clean uniform and stared at himself in the mirror, he noticed the dark circles upon his skin, the sunken cheeks and lifeless eyes. It was the face of a stranger.

Kirk moved through the ship slowly, acknowledging various well-wishers as he let his feet guide him through the corridors. There was a definite sadness in the air, a sense of loss and subdued respect as everyone adjusted to life without Spock on board. But life still went on. His crew still had their duties, their assignments, their posts. Everyone seemed to move with a purpose except him. The repairs were well underway, so Kirk busied himself in mundane tasks—coordinating work teams, signing off reports, approving new assignments.

The Doctor had told him that the time for isolation was over and keeping himself occupied was now the best thing that he could do. Kirk managed that well enough during the waking hours—constantly finding more tasks to complete or making endless rounds of the   
ship—all in an attempt to keep his mind from wandering and letting others know the true extent of his sorrow. Because no one had a clue how much he had been changed. No one truly understood the depth of his loss. It was like he was bleeding out, slowly and endlessly—an un-closable would, invisible to others but had followed him since the moment Spock fell to the ground, lifeless beside him on the cold, hard floor.

Each day, he tried again—to devote himself fully to the job at hand, to distract his thoughts and eventually find his way back to living. And tomorrow, he would repeat the cycle. And the next day. And the day after. He _had_ to keep trying. If he stopped, he thought he would drown.

Kirk focused on living one day, one moment at a time. Thinking too far into the future or the past was forbidden—both dead ends. McCoy said he was making progress, but there was a sadness in his eyes as the number of days since he had last seen Kirk smile rose higher and higher. Kirk was surviving—even if it meant he would never truly feel alive again. Because surviving meant living with parts of himself that were dead.

Everyone said that time healed everything. Kirk wondered if by time they meant hours or days or years. Or maybe lifetimes. Would he ever be able to regain some semblance of the life he once had?

Every moment that he was not fully occupied became dangerous. His mind refused to let him rest. Image after image, thought after thought assaulted him, taunted him. Deep brown eyes seemed to stare through his soul—across the abyss of his mind when his eyes were closed and across the vastness of space when his eyes were open. Some days it seemed there was no escape—the ache deepening within him like a thorn twisting in his heart, pinning him down into the world below.

Sometimes he would wake in the middle of the night, wrenched violently to awareness, shivering in the wake of his nightmares and clutching desperately at the blankets, trying—and failing—to turn his broken gasps into even breaths. He would sit upright in the empty bed, powerless to do anything but cover his face so that he would not see the emptiness, the darkness of his surroundings—so barren, void and cruel. He would bury his face into the pillow, curled up under the sheets as he let his tears fall in the privacy of the night.

His only comfort, his only defense against the all-consuming despair was the thought of Spock's strength and courage—constantly supporting him even when he was not there in physical form. Spock had sacrificed   
everything—saving the Federation with only his bravery and will. Kirk owed nothing less than to do the same. Spock believed in him, once. Spock had faith in him and his abilities. And Kirk could not afford to let him down.

If Spock were here right now, Kirk knew exactly what he would say. He would tell Kirk that he had the strength and determination to survive this. He would say that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. He would remind Kirk of his ship and his crew-mates, his duty to Starfleet and to each and every person with whom he served. He would say that he was his bond-mate, but his crew was his family too, and they deserved the same effort and dedication that Kirk had always shown them. And then Spock would list off all the wonders Kirk had yet to see, all the things he had yet to do. The things he _must_ do.

And so Kirk went on.

For Spock's sake.

For his ship, his crew, and his bond-mate, this was something Kirk had to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY I KNOW THIS CHAPTER SUCKS BUT IT GETS BETTER IN THE NEXT ONE I PROMISE


	18. Chapter 18

Kirk woke up in his quarters.

He did not know what the date was. These days, he barely cared.

Each new morning, each new mission was starting to feel like the same endless nightmare, repeating over and over and over again.

A new planet. Surveys to perform, away missions to lead. Reports to write. Systems to catalog. The emptiness followed him everywhere. Days blurred together in Kirk's mind, his sense of time completely lost and not a light in the dark to mark it's passage.

On this particular morning, he was on the bridge of the Enterprise. They were carrying out another star charting mission—some remote region of the galaxy which would have held some interest to the person he used to be. Everyone was performing adequately and everything was under control.

Except.

Something was off.

Today, something felt...

Different.

A noise nearby suddenly roused Kirk from his musings.

He hurried to answer the hail, stabbing a button on the arm of his chair.

"Kirk here."

"Captain, it's sickbay," McCoy's voice drifted over the comms. "Jim, you'd better get down here."

And somehow, inexplicably, Kirk knew McCoy was right. He _had_ to get to sickbay.

Immediately.

"Sulu, you have the conn," Kirk announced, then swiftly stood and exited the bridge.

The walk to sickbay seemed to last forever. He drifted through the halls like a ghost, his body slowly fading into the floor and into the bulkheads. But something was waiting for him in sickbay. Something that reached down inside and pulled at him like a magnet, that forced him to remain in existence so long as he could reach the sickbay doors.

And finally, there they were.

"Bones?" Kirk called into the empty room. For a moment, there was only silence. Time itself seemed to hang in the air like fog, thick and heavy with anticipation.

"In here, Jim," McCoy called. Kirk turned and moved toward the sound. He rounded a corner into the other room, and suddenly, there he was.

Spock.

The Vulcan was sitting carefully on a biobed, McCoy standing next to him. Upon seeing the Captain's face, Spock broke out into a wide smile.

For a moment, time seemed to freeze. Kirk stared at the scene before him, unable to believe his eyes. Softly, gingerly, he padded over to the biobed, his feet moving of their own accord, drifting across the floor as if in a dream. Spock leaned toward him slightly, eyes shining with wonder and affection. Kirk opened his mouth, but his lungs would not work. He took a breath, then tried again.

"Bones.... how....." he finally managed to rasp.

"I received a message from him in his quarters about an hour ago," McCoy began to explain, voice gentle. "He told me what happened in engineering. Said he just suddenly woke up in his quarters. When I brought him to sickbay, everything checked out. He's as healthy as ever. I couldn't believe it, but then I noticed a tiny abnormality in the brain's memory processing center. Something had recently been modified, but now it's back to normal. I compared the scans with myself and the rest of my medical staff. We all have the same abnormality. Something must have happened to us after we left that planet. The only explanation I can think of is that we were all experiencing some kind of elaborate hallucination."

"Then Spock never..." Kirk allowed his gaze to fall on the bed beside him. He locked eyes with Spock. The Vulcan seemed to have composed himself a little. For the first time since he had entered sickbay, Spock finally spoke up.

"As the Doctor explained, I must have fallen unconscious after the events in engineering," he began, his voice calm and achingly familiar.   
"It is likely that Asmodeus possessed some level of telepathic ability. The strength required to affect the entire crew would be immense; I suspect the range of his influence was limited. Once we passed beyond that distance, he was no longer able to continue affecting the crew. Therefore, the hallucinations vanished and I regained consciousness in my quarters."

"Then it was all a dream..." Kirk whispered softly, his voice filled with wonder. That must be why he'd felt dizzy in the transporter room after returning from the planet's surface, he thought.

"Whatever happened to us, it's a good thing it wore off when it did. Some of my medical tricorders used to be broken, but now they're miraculously working again. We all must have been made to believe random malfunctions were occurring. Some of the repair teams might have actually been making problems instead of fixing them. Who knows what might have happened next. We could easily have been tricked into destroying the ship ourselves," McCoy added. "I kept telling Scotty that something was wrong with the replicators," he grunted as an aside.

"It is fortunate that the ship's critical systems were not more severely damaged," Spock remarked.

"Ever since we left that planet, everything that came out of those machines tasted funny," McCoy pressed, muttering to himself.

"Doctor, you are a sensualist," Spock declared.

"You bet your pointed ears I am," McCoy smirked.

Spock turned toward the Captain, one eyebrow raised in disbelief. Despite all the shock and confusion churning through his brain, Kirk couldn't stop a small grin from spreading across his face. _Man_ it was good to hear them arguing again.

"So help me, I was actually pleased to see him," McCoy joked to Kirk, smiling as he nodded toward the Vulcan. "Smack right in the old heart," the Doctor added, placing his fist against his chest. "Oh, I'm sorry," he corrected himself, raising a finger. "In your case, Spock, it would be about here," he said, thumping his left side.

"The fact that my internal arrangement differs from yours, Doctor, pleases me no end," Spock announced, the corners of his mouth twitching slightly.

McCoy raised his eyebrows while Kirk grinned, attempting to conceal his laughter.

Now that he had allowed himself to believe what he was seeing, Kirk couldn't stop the wave of happiness building within him. He had been battered, bruised and broken for so long now, he had almost forgotten what it was like to live without the pain. He locked eyes with Spock and an understanding seemed to pass between them. His soul seemed to be reaching out, slipping further and further away into those deep, brown pools.

The exchange did not go unnoticed by Doctor McCoy. He fought off an affectionate smile, raising one knowing eyebrow—a trick he had learned from a dear friend. Now that he knew what these two meant to each other, he really had to watch himself, before it put him in a good mood or something.

"There's just one thing, Mr. Spock," McCoy began. "You can't tell me that when you first saw Jim, you weren't on the verge of giving us an emotional scene that would have brought the house down," he declared.

"Merely my quite logical relief that one of Starfleet's most proficient captains had not been injured in this ordeal," Spock explained.

"Yes, Mr. Spock. I understand," Kirk replied with a knowing grin.

"Thank you, Captain," Spock nodded gratefully.

"Of course, Mr. Spock, your reaction was quite logical," McCoy agreed in mock seriousness.

"Thank you, Doctor," Spock replied.

"In a pig's eye," Bones added firmly.

Kirk and Spock quickly turned to look at him, then at each other, and then back to McCoy.

The Doctor bounced on his heels twice, gave a satisfactory nod, then turned and left sickbay, hands clasped behind his back. Kirk and Spock silently watched him go.

"Most curious," Spock commented once McCoy had left the room. "Though he exhibited signs of anger, I believe Doctor McCoy was smiling just now."

Kirk grinned affectionately at the Vulcan, eyes softening as he moved his hand over the one Spock had subtly placed at his side on the bed.

"How are you, Spock?" Kirk asked quietly, moving his fingers over the Vulcan's in an attempt to reach his thoughts. His mind had been strangely silent upon seeing his first officer again and it had begun to concern him.

"I can't... I can't feel you like I used to," Kirk added worriedly.

"I apologize, Jim. If you are agreeable, I believe I will have to re-initiate the bond," Spock replied. 

_If he was agreeable?_ At that moment, there was nothing else in the entire universe that Kirk desired.

"Do it," he whispered.

Spock leaned forward slightly, then reached up and placed his fingers on the side of Kirk's face.

For a moment, nothing happened.

All of a sudden, his mind was flooded by an overwhelming rush of warmth, sparks of light and sound bursting behind his eyelids as he gasped, a trembling wave sweeping through them both. There were no words, just a torrent of love and reassurance, a beam that chased away the ache and the loneliness because it was bright and sweet and filled with devotion and so unquestionably _real—_ and for every wave of affection that enveloped him, Kirk's tattered soul healed little by little. _No more pain,_ the warmth told him without speaking. _No more pain._

The warmth was a comfort that wrapped Kirk's mind in soft ribbons, his essence embracing Spock's own as their bond reawakened and entwined around them both. As it rushed to recreate the bridge between them—to fill the gaping chasm of emptiness, a universe of bitter ash and longing—Kirk melted completely into Spock's arms, into Spock's mind as it opened little by little—and was relieved to discover he still had a home in both places.

Kirk's chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, heart hammering so rapidly it nearly escaped him and finally, Kirk just let himself go.

The universe of ash suddenly erupted into flames.

And the world righted itself.

Pieces that had been missing finally fell into place.

_Jim._

Spock's mental voice was back, and Kirk cherished it wholeheartedly, entranced with the way it sounded and how it lingered, coiling around him in waves and settling with a familiar twinge against his heart.

 _Jim,_ the voice said again.

Spock's fingers slowly drifted down from Kirk's face, his touch feather-light and oh-so-gentle, until they finally came to rest against the Captain's shoulder. The bond had restored the pieces of themselves in one another; through Spock's lips, Kirk could breath, through Spock's eyes, he could see, and through Spock's fingers, he could feel.

The Vulcan closed the distance between them and placed the softest of kisses against the Captain's forehead. His lips lingered upon the skin, and Kirk could feel the wave of love—brushing over his frayed nerves like fire and outshining everything except the two of them. Kirk leaned into the touch, opening his own heart in response. For a long moment, the world was just that, and nothing else.

As Spock's lips finally left his bond-mate's forehead, he drew back, lashes parting until he was met with the sight of Kirk's unblinking hazel eyes, glassy and filled with tears.

Spock's expression immediately softened, staring back with a look that only further reaffirmed that their bond had truly come back to life.

Despite all that had happened and all that he had guilted himself for, Spock still loved him, still accepted him, still wanted him. And though he felt undeserving of it, Kirk wanted Spock too—more than anything. He had just begun to accept that his life would forever be a lonely one, filled with all the unspoken words, the sharp sting of guilt and regret, the never-ending pain of what once was and what might have been. But not anymore.

Kirk's mouth opened slightly and he involuntarily blinked, two droplets pushed out of each eye, falling silently to the ground below.

 _Jim,_ Spock repeated, releasing Kirk's shoulder and bringing his palm up to his bond-mate's face. 

They continued staring at each other—silently speaking with their eyes—until Kirk finally pulled Spock into him. His face fell into the Vulcan's hair and he choked out a sob. It wasn't until this very moment—when they clung to one another and everything came together again—that he understood once more what it was like to truly feel and belong and love. He pulled Spock tightly to him, nuzzling his shoulder, and sucked in a deep, shuddering breath.

 _I'm sorry,_ Kirk told him. _I am so, so sorry._

 _It is alright, Jim,_ the Vulcan whispered through their link, his voice soothing and gentle and certain. _I am here._

Spock focused all of his efforts on the man in his arms, sending pulsing thoughts of his bone-deep devotion with the strength and clarity of a man who loved his captain with the wholeness of his heart and the entirety of his soul. And perhaps, Kirk thought, this feeling was enough. Perhaps it was time to let go of the guilt, the sorrow, the darkness, the pain—for how could they hope to withstand the brilliant light and warmth that his bond-mate had so completely surrounded him with?

_To think that I believed myself capable of spending a lifetime without you..._

The thought alone was enough to make Kirk crush his beloved even harder into his chest—so close that neither of them could distinguish their own bodies from one another.

Kirk pulled back slightly, then finally surged up to kiss Spock the human way, all too eager, his happiness and want spilling over the bond. They reveled in the feeling of being in each other's arms, of soft lips and gentle skin, the out-pouring of emotions—a sensation like sparks at every point where they touched.

Their lips met and parted, again and again. Kirk wrapped his arms around the Vulcan's neck and shoulders, Spock's own hands settling against Kirk's waist, pulling him even closer. They kissed until they couldn't kiss any more, until they were both trembling and heaving for air with Spock's cheek pressed against Kirk's temple.

"I missed you _,"_ Kirk breathed against his ear.

" _So_ much," he murmured into the Vulcan's skin, placing soft, gentle kisses along his neck.

_And I, you, T'hy'la._

Kirk smiled into Spock's shoulder, letting himself relax in their shared intimacy—in a place that belonged just to them, just for this moment. Kirk breathed in, and then out again, focusing purely on his bond-mate and what he felt for him.

Love.

But so much deeper than that.

In a way that cannot be put into words.

He felt Spock in his very soul.

Constant and real and there.

A comfort that he had spent far too long without.

That he could never imagine being without again.

He loved Spock so much. So much, it was ridiculous. His love was utterly plain to see. Kirk knew it—had always known it. Since day one, he had been head-over-heels in love, his heart positively brimming with euphoria because after years, _years_ of loving Spock, he had finally realized just how deep his affection ran.

Spock focused on that feeling for a moment—the bright, shining light that came from Kirk. He centered himself in it, letting his thoughts be consumed by their shared warmth and the feeling of his Captain here with him. And Spock decided he had finally found the words to encompass the bond that they shared.

"Jim, you are my T'hy'la. I know this, now," Spock told him, choosing to speak the words aloud to reaffirm their importance.

"I have been, and always shall be, yours."

"Oh, Spock," Kirk breathed in reply, his smile brighter and more beautiful than the Vulcan sun itself.

"I love you, too."

Kirk held tight to his bond-mate, and did not let go.

Silence fell, complete and absolute stillness—yet so different from the unrelenting void in which they had lived for so long. Theirs was perfect, because _life_ pulsed through the calmness. Their life, and the life of the universe around them. Peaceful. Everlasting.

Beautiful.

And that was how Doctor McCoy found them a few hours later—huddled up close on the biobed, Spock's head resting on the human's shoulder and Kirk's cheek pressed into soft, black hair. They were asleep.

McCoy grabbed a blanket to cover them with, and for the life of him, he couldn't help the fond, indulgent smile that spread across his face.

"What a pair of saps."

How had he known that it would end this way?  
How did they know this was their destiny, right from the very beginning?

The answer was that there _was_ no logical answer—that when it came to loving and being loved in return, there was no infallible set of rules, no mathematical equation to explain what the heart wanted most.

For theirs was a story written in stars, and some things are simply meant to be.


	19. Chapter 19

(Voice-over)  
"Captain's Log: Stardate 4372.5. I am pleased to report the malfunctions that were previously affecting the ship have ceased, along with the hallucinations the crew has been experiencing since our encounter with the creature called Asmodeus. Thanks to Doctor McCoy, Mr. Spock has made a miraculous recovery and has been deemed fit to return to duty. Commendations are hereby granted to Chief Medical Officer Leonard McCoy and Commander Spock for going above and beyond the line of duty."

"Mr. Scott, how's our warp core?" Kirk asked from his chair on the bridge.

"Purring like a kitten, Captain. She's ready for a long journey," Scotty beamed from his station.

"Good. It's about time we got underway," Kirk replied with a satisfied nod. "Can you give us warp 2, Mr. Scott?"

"Aye. And maybe a wee bit more," Scotty grinned, moving toward the turbo lift. "I'll be in the engine room, sir, and everything is in order."

"That'll be a pleasant surprise, Mr. Scott," Kirk called after him.

"Well I, for one, am glad to see things getting finally back to normal around here," McCoy announced, moving to stand next to the Captain's chair.

"The concept of 'normal' is arbitrary, Doctor. However, it is agreeable that the ship is no longer at risk of imminent destruction," Spock replied, coming to stand on the other side of Kirk.

"Mr. Spock, coming back from the dead would be an emotional experience for most. You, I presume, felt nothing?" Kirk asked, turning toward the Vulcan.

"Quite the contrary, Captain. I had a very strong reaction," Spock replied. "My first sight was the face of Dr. McCoy bending over me."

"Hmm. 'Tis a pity that death did not increase your appreciation for beauty, Mr. Spock," McCoy remarked.

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"A famous Earth physician once said, 'Wisdom is the abstract of the past, but beauty is the promise of the future,'" McCoy proudly recited.   
"Darn clever, these humans, wouldn't you say?"

"Spare me your philosophical metaphors, Doctor," Spock replied. "If I recall correctly, one of your poets also said, 'Beauty comes as much from the mind as from the eye.'"

McCoy frowned in annoyance. "God, I liked him better before he died," the Doctor muttered irritably.

"If you gentlemen are finished, we have a scientific survey mission I'd like to get back to," Kirk interrupted. He smiled at his two squabbling friends, eyes shining in amusement.

"I am merely trying to point out the Doctor's continual faults in logic, as is inevitable when humans are involved," Spock informed him.

"Which humans, Mr. Spock?" Kirk asked, a little _too_ innocently.

"He means that when humans become involved with Vulcans, Jim," McCoy added helpfully, a knowing smile on his face.

"Ah, yes. I understand," Kirk replied with a warm, deliberate grin.

"I fail to ascertain the purpose behind your clarification," Spock commented stubbornly.

"Perhaps it does have to do with the illogic of humans, Mr. Spock. After all, I suspect you're becoming more and more human all the time," McCoy replied with a gleeful smirk.

"You—" Spock stopped, too offended to speak. "Captain, I see no reason to stand here and be insulted," he announced.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen... We've just been through one fatal ordeal. Let's not start another," he advised them with a meaningful look.

"Tell that to him," McCoy jerked his head at Spock. "Maybe it didn't cross that macho kind of yours, but space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence. There are a thousand different ways to die out here and I'm always the one who has to patch everybody up afterward," he grumbled, eyeing the Vulcan moodily.

Kirk raised his eyebrows, sharing a knowing glance with Spock.

"Thank heaven we all managed not to blow ourselves up," McCoy muttered.

"Doctor McCoy, there was no deity involved. It was the Enterprise moving out of range which disrupted Asmodeus' influence over the crew," Spock corrected him.

"Well then, thank pitchforks and pointed ears," McCoy declared.

Spock tilted his head slightly in confusion.

"That's a fair statement, Bones," Kirk agreed, smiling in amusement.

McCoy just harrumphed. "We all could use a nice, long bout of shore leave, that's for sure," he muttered to himself.

"In this particular instance, Doctor, I agree with you," Spock remarked.

McCoy's eyes instantly narrowed, eyebrows drawing together in a frown.

Kirk's mouth stretched in a wide, beatific smile. His face shone with radiant affection and his eyes danced with amusement.   
"Ahead warp factor 2, Mr. Sulu," he called to the helm.

"Warp factor 2, sir."

And the ship sailed onward, gliding serenely through the infinite vastness of space to boldly go where no man—or no _one_ —has gone before.   
  


THEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEND

[Here's a little video I made for the end of this fic because star trek is my life hope you enjoy!! (yes i did make an entire youtube channel just to post this video lol)](https://youtu.be/pfoWzhFSfaE)

[Star Trek TOS outro (also just for fun)](https://youtu.be/XKOi9NtO-UM)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -McCoy's quote was said by Oliver Wendell Holmes. Spock's quote was by Grey Livingston
> 
> -Thanks for reading!! <3


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